Grace Fully Realized

Or You Can Call Me Grace My nickname growing up was Grace - for my lack of. My very FIRST step at 9 mths I fell and broke my collar bone. Rode my trike down basement steps - stitches in lip. Bad car accident at age 4, we were hit head on by a drunk driver. Dad was in intensive care. I was emotionally damaged by all I saw. The tall bridge we were on. broken glass, crying Alan, lots of police and flashing lights. Dad not talking and bloody as the put him in an ambulance. And of course no serious incident would be complete with out the image of Mom freaking out. Bike wreck at 5, hurt a hand. Alan and I collided and even though my hand was caught in his spokes he was still peddling hard. He admits he was wondering why I was following him. Bike wreck at 8, did damage to a knee that is still a problem over 40 yrs later. I have been observed riding my bike and just falling over. I am no longer allowed to ride a bike - Drs. orders. Took up tether ball and had more sprained fingers and wrists than I could count. Explosion at 16. I had 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Lost a summer and healed without a scar! Praise God! Torn ankle ligaments. Walked on that bad ankle for months because no one who saw me fall believed I could of hurt my ankle. My mom once slammed me in the head with a cupboard door. We were playing. She really thought I would move, I really didn't think she would shut it. I have had numerous heat strokes, stepped on many nails, sprained my back more than once. Cracked and bruised ribs from falls and car accidents. My second drunk driver resulted in tearing the pectoral muscle. Not pretty let me tell you! I once got drug several feet by the truck - I was driving. I would have swore I had it stopped! (bad parking brake) There were so many more car accidents. None my fault, but many I escaped, sometimes to the surprise of onlookers, unscathed. Tripped at work and almost finished the bad knee. It lost more function - again. Fell in driveway around midnight in zero degree weather - and couldn't get up or reach my phone (slid under the car, of course). It took over an hour to drag myself to the house. I am now in a wheelchair due to autoimmune diseases. I have gotten stuck in mud, in doorways, between clothing racks, knocked over store racks, and ran into more than I care to remember. I have ruined clothes running over them while wearing them. My last drunk driver, we pulled in front of him to stop him from driving until police arrived. He rammed us repeatedly, not understanding why his car wouldn't move. BTW? I was on my way home from the ER when we found him! Last week in my wheelchair, while trapped in my front door, I managed to knock down the door on the coat closet. My grace is fully realized in knowing I have been given miracles to escape some of these escapades. So many times things could have easily led to death or more serious injury. Angels must be watching after me! There is truth to the adage of never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. You really need her there!

A Spoonie Anthem and All Wet

I found this on a favorite website of mine; But You Don't Look Sick
Please read the the story with this link.
If not the post then do read (or sing) the song at the end!
I also possess the gift of writing new words to old music as my family and previous co-workers know.
I bow to Stephanie here. This is awesome!
Sick Humor: A Spoonie Anthem

The rain has finally brought me down. Yesterday Rob and I lucked out and caught sunshine and were able to do our laps outside. With all the kids back in school we had the pool to ourselves. But I was drained and not able to do my usual laps.
Today I wasn't able to catch the brief moments of sunshine. When there was I was busy talking online, on phone and in person. I was popular today! When things finally settled down, I was more than ready for my afternoon nap.
That was not to be.
I was doing a small bit of picking up. I picked up newly bought band-aids, plain, as Rand hates wearing Hello Kitty band-aids to work. I open the closet door, reach in to put them away, and a drop of water hit my hand. I look up to see the ceiling panel bulging down, water dripping from it.
Our AC pipes run through there. This is a huge closet that is as long as our hall. It is our linen closet as well as holds over flow from the kitchen in the way of rarely used items.
I put in a quick call to maintenance and start unloading the shelves as quickly as I can. To some luck I keep the towels I use only on Suzy and Camper right underneath. Also my cleaning rags are there. I grab them and all are soaked through and dripping. I also move surrounding kitchen small appliances to make the needed room for service. I cannot remove a few large pieces of Tupperware. They are stuck and quite possible the only thing keeping that ceiling tile up!
The next shelf has only solid items and water stained this shelf quite deeply, but my stuff stayed mostly dry. I still move the most vulnerable should a rush of water come down.
The third shelf is all beach towels. An entire stack of four is soaked through.
The next shelf is blankets, but luckily, the beach towels had just started to drip and only the edge of the shelf is wet.
After maintenance gets the problem under control, they are leaving everything open to watch. Meaning: I couldn't put anything away. Probably for the best as emptying the closet did me in. I set my alarm to wake for Big Brother and finally got my nap in.

As summer winds to an end.....

Less than a month left of summer.

As usual I am not ready to let go.

The squirrels are burying food deeply in my planters. They started getting frantic about it last month. Is this an indicator of an early winter?
I have had to buy new plants to cover the damage they have done.

Lilly and I have had a full fun summer.

We made it to the outside pool almost every day. I am deeply tanned, she has a nice light tan. I used SPF 12, she was covered in SPF 50. I'm also on a lot of medications that say do not go in the sun, so I tried to limit us to less than 3 hours a day.
Neither one of us is a morning person. We would spend our mornings lounging around watching educational TV. Lilly considers toast with peanut butter, sprinkled with cinnamon sugar and excellent snack. She still adores her hot chocolate.
We would usually go swimming by mid morning and be back for lunch around noon or so. We would then have a quiet time of rest. Followed by other play, reading stories, coloring, or crafts

She makes friends as easily as I do. For the first time, I was pushed away. As soon as any other kids would show up, she would tell me to go swim in the deep end because she was going to play with them. Whether she knew them or not. She was going to make a new friend and obviously hanging with your gramma isn't cool. She would always promise to play with me next time.

I have taught her that to make a new friend all you have to do is say, "Hi! I'm Lilly!"

So I guess it is my own fault.

Lilly was having some concerns about kindergarten.

One day out of the blue, she announced that if she just said 'Hi, I'm Lilly' it would probably make friends there too. I assured her it would work.

She was concerned about missing me, but thought she could call me from school if that happened. She was very worried when I said that wouldn't be possible. The school would only call me if she were sick or had an emergency. She thought maybe if she told them she were sick. I discouraged this, speaking of the importance of truth. I told her she could call me every day after school and tell me how her day went. That seemed to appease her a little.

On Monday Lilly's school had an open house to introduce new students (and parents) to the school. Lilly was so excited! She put on one of the new dresses I got her for school, her new shiny black shoes, and frilly socks. Lilly had her mom put her hair in pigtails. She was ready by 8am. Mind you the open house wasn't until 4pm.

She spent her day here in the morning in nervous anticipation. That afternoon she was going through all of her school supplies and discovered I had wrote her name on her gym shoes - she had a melt down. I happened to be on the phone with Senator Harkin's office.

Timing, sometimes, is everything.

Lilly has now spent her first day in Kindergarten. She bragged that she ate her lunch all gone. Hot dog, broccoli and animal cookies. We received details how how they on their towels at rest time on the floor and it was kind of comfy. She played on the swings. And when she came here She said in amazement, "Every day will be this long"!

Yes, they will my little pal.

I miss you already.

Misery Loves Nobody

I know that we are taught that misery loves company and it helps to share.
Interesting that I know that but I still refuse to join a support group or go to therapy.
I get tired of the pity and of being told how great my attitude is.
There is a senior citizen coffee held here at our apartment complex every Wednesday morning that I attend. They wait on me hand and foot. I am a bit embarrassed by it, but they are so sweet. I tolerate it to avoid their embarrassment. People my own age have too much too do. I can't keep up, even in my chair. I join the senior citizens and at least I'm not so far behind.
I relate to the senior group here. We take naps, do our best to hit the pool, and check the mail early so we can visit a bit. We speak highly of our kids and wish they would visit more. We also sit in our apartments and combat our loneliness. Funny since we are in the same enclosed living space. Our doors sometimes only feet apart.
Maybe misery doesn't love company.
I had the pleasure of a elderly acquaintance last week. She lives with her daughter here. We met over Lilly's art work. I hang her seasonal stuff on the door. They loved her Valentines heart and left us a Valentine letting us know. I receive a lot of sweet remarks on Lilly's art, but nobody seemed to want to discuss her snowmen with vampire teeth.
If you combined both of my grandmas you would get Marge. I haven't seen her for awhile. I tried to visit, but she tends not to wear her hearing aids when alone and does not hear me knock. She showed up at my door and realized, when I answered, she had forgotten to put her hearing aids on. She could not hear a word I said and came on in. I got to listen to her life story, a fascinating story of life through the depression and a world war. And I got to read a very personal email, the story she could not tell me - she is losing a child to cancer. No matter what age, moms are moms and the kids are not supposed to go first.
Marge also shared a few pictures. Most importantly one of her taken a few years ago. "This is the real me."
I so understood! Time and disease ravage our bodies. I know what I look like, but it isn't who I am. I don't recognize that person in the mirror with the sallow complexion, highlighted by the red mark highlights my cheeks and nose, and the dark ringed eyes peering back. So many times I have said, "I wish you could have met the real me." I have heard a lot of chronically ill people say this.
Next time, she she told me, it is my turn to talk and she promises to be able to hear me!

Since my last post I have married again. Rand and I 'eloped' for our 30th anniversary. Brother Rod performed the ceremony over the speaker phone. We exchanged new wedding bands and neighbors were quickly found to witness and photograph.

Sliding with Style

Suzy will let me know when something needs my attention and a bit earlier this evening she did so. Suzy led me to our front door where she had pooed on the entryway tile. Not only that she managed to smear it for quite a distance as well. This was particularly odorous as well. Had a nice hang time for gagging quality.
It is not Suzy's normal act to do this particular function where she did. But she will only use her paper (kept in the bathroom) once and this naughty act in the foyer meant it was probably used. I wiped up with napkins all I could carry and headed down the dark hall to the bathroom.
I stepped into the bath and promptly slid about 4 feet on 1 bare foot. It was warm and it was wet. Suzy proved she could use her paper twice, but that the paper would not hold two wet spots.
I reached over and dropped my handful of poo into the toilet and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe up as much pee as I could. I dropped that paper in the toilet as well and flushed. Nothing happened. Still standing on damp ground and near exhaustion already, I flush again and the water quickly reaches the rim. I'm plunging for all I am worth and I was able to avert the near disaster.
I wipe the bathroom floor as best as I can with my favorite wipes.
With sweat dripping off of me and a bit out of breath, I limp back toward the living room. There I am nearly knocked over by the stench. I had forgotten I still had residue to deal with out here! As I once again put my favorite wipes to use, I am secretly praying that the stench has not polluted the hallway. I use an aerosol spray to knock down the rest of the odor. I pull out a mop and properly do both floors.
Now I am absolutely wasted, late on meds and I need a shower.

Now to the obvious. I haven't posted in almost a year.
There are some who try to twist my words, blind the truths, and use lies and fairy tales to expand on every word and all this is done to hurt the ones I love. I have learned that every word I write - anywhere - is being scrutinized.
I have not updated because of these morons, but because of the demon depression. I now update, because of the morons. They will not touch my freedom of speech.
In this past year......
I have fought with our insurance company to keep my meds up. I did have to switch to receiving all my meds by mail. Because of their clerical errors I now know how bad withdrawal is, repeatedly. The doctors fear this is too much stress for my heart and I am at high risk for a stroke.
I am still in appeal to receive SSD.
Sandra and Lilly moved here in May.
My sweet Lilly started preschool. I watch her while Sandra goes to school. Lilly and I would enjoy wonderful 'walks' to school in the warm fall sunshine. I in my wheelchair, her in my lap. Later I would come just a bit early to pick her up. I could watch Lilly play at recess and return hand in hand with her new best friend. They became best friends because their shoes matched.
That was before the move.
Rand at first and finally I, made the decision to move to a complex where I could swim year round. We also have a hot tub and sauna among other amenities. Our new apartment has one bedroom and one bath and a den - which looks a lot like a toy aisle at Target! Lilly can now watch movies in her playroom. We did put her toddler bed in our room for overnights. We have much more floor room here. Every room is an improvement and we have a deck bigger than both patios combined. I have also hired some one to do the major cleaning - dusting, bath, floors, etc.... I can no longer keep up and Rand does not have time.
One week before the move, Rob and Amanda got married. It was the most perfect wedding I have ever seen. Lilly was an adorable flower girl, who carefully placed each petal in its place. When almost to the front row, the crows gasped as it appeared she had began eating the rose petals. Actually, I had placed candy and nuts in the bottom of her basket as a bribe to get her down the aisle. I had told her as soon as she had all the flowers out she could eat!
Rob and Amanda were married by Rob's Uncle Rod. We were so blessed to have their family there! Rob even had a surprise speaker - Our 16th president Abraham Lincoln was there!
I danced all I could, fortified by my doctors for this event. That was the end of any walking for a few days - and well worth it.
Wedding Pictures:
From the pro: http://czechchickphoto.com
On the left-hand side, choose "proofing"
The password is "robanda"

Sandra spent some serious time in the hospital. Tests didn't prove it, but I am sure she had H1N1. She suddenly collapsed at home. Lilly got the phone to her mom and Sandra was able to call us.
Christmas was lonely this year. We had a quick Christmas Eve with Sandra, Lilly and Willie, rushing through it to beat the winter storm headed our way. Rob and Amanda were in Minnesota and trapped there as well. The rest of the time Rand and I were here enjoying time together. Stopped by weather and the effects of the storm front on me. We napped on New Years Eve through most of the evening.
I must brag on my wonderful husband. For Christmas he got me a Kindle! This has been a wish of mine since people even thought to invent them! As soon as I saw the word I burst into tears! From now on all future gifts need to be Amazon gift cards so I may buy more books! Classic authors such as Jules Vernon, Jane Austen, and my personal favorite, Bram Stoker, are free. I am searching for a Bible that I like with easy verse searches. I hope to complete a few favorite author collections like Kathleen Woodiwiss and Robert James Waller. The Kindle will hold 15,000 books! and I was able to begin use without instructions. The battery charges in a few hours and lasts a week.

BTW - for publications purposes, legal definitions, and clarifications: My Rand, My kids, My Suzy and My Camper and MY LILLY! A term of endearment. My Lilly as in My One and Only Grandchild! My sweet girl, My best buddy, and the light of MY life. I am as important to her as she is to me. I am, as Lilly states, her ''My Grandma''.
And if you truly loved her, why would you try so hard to find fault in our lives and then, All you can find wrong is a two letter pronoun??
You can't even keep her safe in your world.
Once again:
Please, just walk away and let Lilly be free from the HORROR that is you and your life!

My Bad

I am soon leaving to have a heart stress test.
On Friday the 13th.

keep kicking while they're down

Rand has been flunking blood tests. It started with one, then became three, that number was multiplied as well. Interestingly enough, it is all very low readings.

This led to his MRI of last Friday. They scanned his brain looking for a pituitary tumor. To their surprise, they did not find a tumor, but did find white spots. throughout the brain. They said this was something they would normally find in someone with high blood pressure - Which he does not have.
He is being referred to a neurologist.

Last Wednesday evening, I realized while showering that I had no feeling in my right leg from the knee down, and a call to brother nurse Jeff and we were both concerned of a possible blood clot.
Off to the emergency room at Mercy. After a two and a half hour later, I'm still in the waiting room. After asking at the desk, they said it would be another 5 hours. My final exact words were, "Fuck this, I prefer to die at home."
We left.
Our next stop was a convience store where we purchased a bottle of asprin. I swallowed three. There was a measurable relief.

So at the wee hours in the morning on our way home we then encountered a drunk driver. We immediately called 911 and did our best to keep 'up' and 'out' of this drunkard's way. We followed him through Des Moines, Johnston, onto the interstate and back into the city of Des Moines, and no where could our 911 operator locate an officer to stop this man. No squad cars in the area was repeated over and over again.
We watched and narrated to the dispatcher as he weaved back and forth across multiple lanes. Bouncing from one curb to another sending clouds of dust and bits of cement flying. He landed on top of medians, the edge of several ditches; at one point I screamed even startling the 911 operator. This unaware drunk almost creamed himself on the Des Moines river bridge.

By this point the dispatcher has tried to contact two townships, county and state police. We are alone on our quest as "no one can be found".

We end up this chase on the 2nd Ave. exit. Our inebriated friend did a 360 degree spin landing in a shallow ditch, facing out. To ensure this chase was ended, Rand pulled our van directly in front of his car.

I have by now, lost as much hope in our police as I have our health care during this long night.

I am fuming! I scream at the dispatcher, "Okay we are stopped on the exit ramp by the State Troopers station - Now can we get any police help?!" Rand has pulled our van in front of the drunk's car to block him from going any farther. He is in the ditch facing out. We are parked on the left shoulder. The dispatcher informs me that they are still trying to find somebody to help us.
The drunk who was seemingly lost in a daze for a bit seems to realize he isn't moving. He puts in in gear and rams us several times. He realizes he can't go and and puts it park again and dazes out again.
I am screaming at the dispatcher that he was ramming us, to no avail.
Our drunk buddy comes to again, looks at us, and opens his door. At this point we are hoping this idiot doesn't carry any weapons.
He gets out of his car and stands up - and down he goes.
He pulls himself up on his door with much effort. He pulls himself around to the hood and then with one hand on his hood he takes a step toward us and down he goes!
We watch and laugh as he struggles to pull himself up on his car again. Clinging to his car he makes it to the front of his hood. The dispatcher wants to know why we are laughing now. I explained he was attempting to approach us. They are still trying to find help for us.
Our drunk is now perched at the end of his hood trying to put all his effort into remaining upright. He has about two steps to make it to our vehicle. He pulls himself up straight and tall and takes a step. Down he went!
He pulls himself up on our van. Rand tentatively rolls down his window. Our drunk asks ever so nicely if we could move our vehicle so that he could get home. Rand is pretty pissed and asked him why he hit us with his car instead of asking. This seriously inebriated idiot is actually shocked to hear he ran in to us! He starts 'trying' to check our van for damage while apologizing profusely!
Rand and I keep trying to get him to understand that we are not moving. He tries to tell us he is just over a mile from home. He even offers a solution! We can follow him home to make sure it goes okay. Rand informs him that we have been following him for miles, it wasn't going okay, and we are not going to let him go any further.
We keep chatting with this guy, keeping hims busy, and finally the dispatcher lets me know that help should be there soon.
Within seconds we are surround by all sorts of police. State, County, and City. He's hauled off, his vehicle towed off and we, with a few minor scratches are on our way.

You're a mean one.....Granny Grinch! Language Alert!

Sandra has a new post concerning the other "poor white trash excuse of a grandmother".

The preclude:
This woman was given the grace of seeing Lilly, even though the sperm donor has no visitation rights. Well there is a visitation order, but the sperm donor would have to complete drug rehabilitation therapy and test "clean" weekly and his roommates would have to test clean and he would have to pay child support.... oh hell, why don't they just say grow up, be a man, and at least act like you care!
It Starts:
It started to go bad when the other grandma showed up beating on Sandra's house for Sandra to answer the door. She wanted to see Lilly now!!!
Lilly was with me and Sandra was not in a position to answer the door and this woman actually scared her when she started going nuts and banging when Sandra didn't answer right away. Then she started calling her every few minutes non-stop while she was still at the house and when Sandra checked her messages - these were not done in a friendly tone. Sandra called us - we told her to call 911 and ordered her down here right away!
And the calling never stopped. For hours. Every few minutes an even angrier message.
In the beginning we wondered if she was drunk.
After awhile we decided maybe the sperm donor was behind it.
I decided my home had been interrupted enough and if he wanted his mommy to play - time to put this mommy into action.
Now mind you, this grandparent who has no rights under state law was given the GRACE of seeing Lilly and occasionally babysitting her - by Sandra. I even supported it, knowing how big my grandmother's love for Lilly is.
But the other grandparent was given two rules: Stay sober, no drinking at all
(funny story here about how SHE once was drunk and had Lilly at a pool and dropped Lilly in accidentally and fell in drunk behind her. Except for that's not funny. Sounds like a nursery rhyme meant to scare children and piss off the rest of us.)
and rule #2, don't let the sperm donor see her. Because not even the state of Iowa, nor anyone living in the state of Iowa who doesn't self-medicate, thinks thinks this guy is safe to be around her.

I discovered she broke the rules.
In fact, she bragged to me how she called the sperm donor over every time she babysat!
WASFB! (What A Stupid Fucking Bitch!) (By the way, she hates it when you call her that.)

So it was over.
She threw away the gift of seeing Lilly.
All this went down right before Christmas.
She has no sense of timing either.

Then sperm donor decided to sue for visitation rights. Couldn't go behind the law's back anymore to annoy our sweet Lilly. Lilly has complained to me in the past that Ryan (she doesn't like to call him Daddy), "flicks her and thumps her and won't even stop even when I tell him I don't like it!" Sounds like a bad play date doesn't it?
He has visitation rights, but he must want to skip the part where he has to complete rehab and stay clean. Somewhere I feel the need to throw in that he has a history of abusing females. Lilly's one. So is her mother and he learned that particular talent from his dad.
Interesting fact: Every time over the past few years when I ask the direct question, "Is your son abusing you?" she changes the subject. Not a good sign. I have had good reasons to ask plus a whole lot of my intuition.

I was feeling bad about this grandma not being able to see Lilly. It could be the sperm donor was forcing her to comply. I was actually working on Sandra to allow her to see Lilly under Sandra's supervision.
My bad.

Our first clue should have been Lilly's birthday. I was still asking Sandra to consider inviting the other grandma over that evening.
She blew that when she forced her way into Sandra's house. Yelled at Sandra, that she had the right to see Lilly on her birthday, went all through the house looking for God knows what. Sandra called us still shaking. We told her she should have called 911.. And to search her house, in case the reason WASFB went all through out the house looking through things (like drawers) was to plant some of sperm donor's evidence. But that would be giving this WASFB a lot of credit. She is not the brightest bulb on the tree.
I asked after all that -
what did she get Lilly for her birthday?
WASFB had announced to Lilly that if she wanted her presents (birthday and Christmas) she was going to have to come to her house to get them. What kind of a SFB of a grandmother doesn't at least give her grandchild a present after illegally forcing her way into their house? That much work to break the law and you didn't bring a gift?
I told Sandra time to lose her. There was nothing Lilly needed or wanted that we (collective family) couldn't buy for her. Lilly doesn't need their stuff. And they are not the kind of people we want to influence her and they have been proven by the state not to be safe for Lilly to be around.
Some time has passed and suddenly the other grandma asked Sandra and Lilly out to supper.
Sandra told me she has no idea why she said yes.

The Story:
An excerpt from Sandra's blog:
"We also stopped by [Grandmother] Jackie's the other day (don't ask). Lilly was finally able to open the presents that Jackie has been using to upset her in an attempt to manipulate me into letting her have Lilly. I mean, who tells a four year old that she has a tons of presents that she can't have unless "Mommy lets her come over to Grandma's house"? And then, when Mommy does finally let her go over and open her presents, she isn't allowed to bring any of them home but "you can come over and play with them whenever Mommy lets you". If she truly cared about Lilly having the gifts (the majority of which was from other people) then it wouldn't matter WHERE Lilly had them at! She did allow Lilly to 'borrow' one of her presents that she has to 'return' as soon as she sees Jackie again. "


Sandra described Lilly to me as a screaming, sobbing, snotty mess being forced to leave her toys behind. I couldn't imagine that kind of heartbreak as a child. At age 4 being given a whole bunch of presents and then being told they are not yours to keep. What cruelty!

I love Lilly so much I would give my life for hers.
I'd be willing to take a life for her too.

What kind of a stupid fucking parent of a sperm donor doesn't let a toddler have her presents? They are not even all hers to take. Other people who love Lilly left them for her.

You can burn in hell Jackie Nelson of Fort Dodge, Iowa. God really punishes those who hurt his children.

You stupid bitch, you are abusing Lilly mentally!
Maybe the sperm donor learned how to mentally abuse from you, not the sperm donor's father as you claim!

You broke the trusting innocence of a child.

I went from from happy to super psycho bitch on a total stranger in public. I caught her literally stealing candy from my, then toddler, niece Crissy.

I am so much more angrier now.

Lilly thinks you are very mean to do this.
Gammy Pam will make it all better.
With hope she will forget all about you and your evil ways.

I *Heart* You Not

Sandra has a new blog and posted a paper she wrote for school:

Child Support Fraud Proposal

I posted this very long answer on her blog and decided to bring it - plus more and the topic here.

I would love to see a particular dead beat sperm donor (Ryan Lee Nelson of Fort Dodge, Iowa) offered the alternative of terminating his parentage in lieu of back support. But I know some think he should pay back support - no matter what.
But he should give up his parental rights - regardless of anything else.
He brags about being "paid under the table" and as far as the "government knows" he "only" works 1 day per week.
Seriously - a healthly white 30 -something child support owing male who can live on working one day a week?
He goes through this great "deception" just to avoid paying more child support!
What a sperm donor.
Currently he pays $50 A MONTH (wow) with an extra bonus of $10, a WHOLE ten dollars folks, in back support. Can you be so lacking of common sense (even in the depths of drug hell) to know and do what is best for your child?
Please, just walk away and let Lilly be free from the HORROR that is you and your life!
But, I dream.

Sandra proposes hiring outsiders to collect for a percentage of the lump sum.
I'm still fighting for SSD. If you hire a lawyer they get 30-35% at least of your past payments. They can present exactly what you have and but make the difference. I don't get it. Until I get an attorney, Social Security will claim I am getting better, even though all of my doctors wrote that I had multiple, untreatable, and incurable diseases, had already hit rock bottom, and was still sinking fast. But when faced with somebody who - can take a full third of the money I need to pay for my medications and help finish paying for my powerchair - Social Security will pay you a lump sum of what you’re owed.

Most of the time you aren't going to get a lump sum from a dead beat. They aren't going to have it. Maybe we need a financial backer, like our government, who will pay the back payments for the sake of the children, and go then after the dead beat sperm donors. Then dead beats could make their back payments to the government and be given another chance to be honest with the rest of their child support payments, having been forced to learn a hard lesson at required dead beat classes. If not, hopefully the government agency, created just for this, will use Dog the Bounty Hunter and Steve Wilkos to beat it out of them.
The government would be in a better place to collect from garnishing wages to taking tax returns. When they apply for a marriage license, the new wives should have to sign a disclosure to make sure they are informed of these guys’ current obligations. They should be made aware of how this could affect their future? family.
This could be a political platform for single moms. Why should the kids live in poverty (also using more social services the taxpayers must pay for) and why isn't the government really going after these guys for the sake of saving money on social services? The moms shouldn't be lost in a tangle of red tape. After a period of say 3 months of non-payment it should be an easy paperwork file for the moms.
And if a guy has six kids by six moms (insert your favorite number here) we need to discuss neutering or a hefty fine. This will be their choice, just as having the original sperm donating sex was - their choice.
Maybe the new "Scarlet Letter" should be a bright yellow D showing these men to be the yellow bellies they are for turning their backs on their children. The D representing the words: Dad (not!), sperm Donors, and Dead-beats. Why can’t we see the most wanted dead beats for our area posted in the post office next to the most wanted criminals? Maybe some business owner will have a heart and give the dead beats first or even second (gasps) jobs to make sure they can act like men and hold their heads high in front of all children.
(Feel free to fill in the terms of custodial and non-custodial parents here. I just used the majority rules.)

I *Heart* You

I really thought I had posted a time or two since. Shows how my mind has been. I truly don't intend to ignore this blog. I do want to blog that real sense of travel through the middle ages, as I like to call them.
Obviously I have been very busy with Suzy. She understood at a young age that when Mom was on the computer, Mom was too distracted to notice what you where up to. Now Suzy is usually content to gnaw on a chew toy snug beneath my chair.



As the weather turns cool - my pain increases.
This winter saw a top spike.

Our insurance company implemented a new policy; I get my drugs from them or pay full price. This is your basic cut and dried extortion drive.

With their help my drugs were over $500 a month. So I certainly couldn't afford to pay the full manufacturer's full driven price gouging.

I take ten medications daily. I have 14 regular prescriptions going.

I have had to call each of the doctors and request this change. Some were right on board - even faxing my scripts straight to the insurance company. Others required me to make the foot work or making appointments $$$ to get my scripts.

In all the confusion, lost scripts, and with a 14-21 day turn around (not what they promised) I ended up not having three of my most major drugs and painkillers for two weeks.

I had the consequence of a very serious withdrawal the first of half of December. It was some of the worse pain I have been through.

Merry Christmas.

Plus, instead of paying for a month supply of my drugs I am now getting a three month $upply. Plea$e pay now.

Merry Chri$tma$.

Lilly and her mom were going to be spending the entire holiday season with us. I decided I was not going to be bedridden for this quality Lilly time. I asked my most favorite pain doctor for a way to enjoy the holidays. She agreed and I was put on steroids for the holidays.

The downside: weight gain - the upside: laughter with Lilly.
I had a great Christmas!

Before this entire fiasco with my meds my life was losing to the pain. My meds have been increased and I am having better days - pain wise.

I am also having a serious struggle with depression. My doctors have recommended I see someone. Our insurance sucks. I can't afford to see someone.

What I need is to see and/or to talk to people. Any takers?

Dad is out of the hospital for those wondering.
He had pnuemonia for those lost.

It's all Suzy

These cool rainy days have left Suzy and I snuggling by the fire.
Pulling the large fluffy dog, upon which Suzy is snuggling into,
in front of the fire place was entirely Suzy's doing.

This sweet little hooded shirt was my idea.
But don't worry, Suzy is quite proud to get her clothes on.

Below the rain has finally let up and the sun has come out.
We are enjoying a siesta in the "Lilly Garden".
Suzy has on a pink bandanna here, doesn't show up well in the photo.

Today we did some needed shopping at PetSmart.
Suzy is moving up a halter size (no more cute pink prints)
and also snagged a shirt which reads,
"How come the cat doesn't have to poop outside?".

A Summer Missed

I will try to do a short synopsis of how I spent my summer.

Lilly and I started out with plenty of together time and in June we were sharing our 4th or 5th bout of MRSA. Nothing like multiple open wounds to keep a person out of a public pool.
Having a constant infection did wonders for my other ailments as well. Lilly and I did 3 or 4 serious antibiotics rounds. We thought we were home free by the end of June - we both finished up free and clear at the end of the month.

Life was fun for about a week.

Rand then decided take a spin on the MRSA ride.
On a Monday, Rand started with a mysterious fever for a few days. Then his knee swelled up A LOT and doc said bursitis. The next morning (Friday) his leg, from mid calf to mid thigh was triple it's size and red. We ended up in an ortho doc's office and doc was able to draw a large amount of pus off of Rand's knee. I almost threw up. I am not nursing material.
That's how we found out it was MRSA.
By Monday Rand was hospitalized. This was very serious MRSA infection. He was at serious risk of losing life and/or limb.
Mid week they let him go home with a PIC Line and we got to administer IV antibiotics directly into his heart at home. This worked well until Saturday night. I reached over to touch him in bed (I was constantly checking him in bed) and he was burning up. I woke him up and discovered his temp was over 101*. I forced Rand to dress and rushed him to the hospital.
Emergency room tip - When you have MRSA, a pic line and a temp over 101* you get right in!
In 45 minutes time Rand's temp had risen to well over 103*. They removed his pic line and started running tests. The heart monitor showed the struggle in his body. Even I could tell things were going downhill with his heart. It was a long night. Rand was finally given a new PIC Line and a very new rarely used antibiotic. Finally his fever broke.
The doctors told me had I not detected his fever and brought him in, Randy probably would have died by morning.
He was off work over a month. Pretty devastating for a guy who has hone years witout a sick day.Almost every day off the week was filled with medical appointments for Rand.
He's back to his overworking schedule - against doc's orders. He was told to keep it light for a few weeks while he got his strength back.
And our finances are beginning to recover just in time for the medical bills to start showing up.

All this payed a toll on my body. Extra work load and over the top stress - I faked it for Rand's sake as long as I could. I was afraid to let him out of my sight for awhile. I finally relaxed and sat down and haven't got up since. I haven't found my footing yet.
My doctors wanted me back in therapy long term to cope with all of this and the fact that I lave lost so much ground medically this past year. Ground that can't be recovered. And to cope with the loneliness of being home alone.

I weighed everything out the doctors were telling me and took a chunk of my earnings from my 401k to pay for the therapy I chose. Therapy doesn't come cheap and insurance wasn't going to pay for My choice. Piss on them - I knew what I needed.

And a picture is worth a thousand words:

World's best therapist

Suzy Q - the Pug

Suzy Q is just what I needed. I'm finally off the couch and potty training! I'm playing and talking to her most of the day.
Suzy was 8 wks old when I acquired her. I researched all breeds and did a thorough watch of the local humane society for a few weeks- Meeting several dogs. What it came down to - Rand said I could get a dog, only if I was totally able to care for it by myself.

Thus a Pug was my perfect match.

Because of their short noses, they do not cool as effectively as other breeds and are susceptible to heat exhaustion and shouldn't be over exercised. (We are like twins!) They are "one person dogs" who love everybody. The main daily fixation for a pug is to be near the one that they love. And that is what I needed most of all.

Suzy is doing a great job potty training."The cat did it!"

As long as it is warm and dry out, she is good to go outside. Suzy dislikes going out when it is cool or rainy or there is too much dew on the grass. We are paper training inside as well. If she hates rain - she is really going to dislike snow.
It took Camper about three days to get over this new addition. They play quite a bit of the day and Camper has even toned up a bit.

And my two best girls love each other!