Yeah, I know - it's been awhile.
Life has been speeding up to new levels. And I have barely kept up.
The family camping weekend was fun. But it felt like "us and them". The 'old' people around their fire and the young around their own fire. I'd like to know whose idea it was to switch me from the young group to the wise elders fire; and why wasn't I told. Word of advice to the youngsters of little tolerance: Whatever an elder says, remember that God has instructed you to honor this person. The correct response for one who lacks of understanding 'your ways' is: "Yeah, Grandpa you're probably right." Then, go on with life and nothing will have changed. That's okay. 'Change' can be (and often is) a bad thing. You don't understand everything he does and thinks, and neither does he. But sometimes - all you can do - is accept what is.
And to stop you even as you start your protests to this arrangement: life isn't fair, get over it. And someday you'll be old and young people will think your weird and out of touch. If you are a rare cool and hip oldster; you will probably be a candidate for the Jerry Springer Show. Think about it.

Accepting what is
Why do I so support the idea of 'differently-abled' instead of 'disabled'; and why can't I accept that for me. I am dealing with pain every moment of every day. My response to it is to try harder. Which is exactly what I don't need. I am currently on a double doctor ordered light duty at work, and yet, I'm still outperforming most of the team. They joke with me that I'm paid by the hour, not the job. Deep down - I keep thinking I'll just "fake it 'til I make it". But I can't win here. Overdoing is not going to make me better. It could very well be there is no 'better'. Or to quote a line of Jack Nicholson's (and a favorite movie of mine) "What if this is as good as it gets?".
If you take in the fact that just because of the steel plate in my foot, I cannot run and I am not supposed to walk for exercise - that alone should be a clue. but I keep thinking I can beat it. You add permanent damage to both hips (therapist says no bike riding for me) and the damage of my last adventure in really screwing up both knees at once - reality says I can't win and shouldn't even play. And here I keep thinking I'm still in the race.

I have been in a frantic state of mind about all of this the last 24 hours. What set me off? I have just learned that I am a winner in a drawing. This wasn't some little neighborhood raffle. This is nationwide big. Real big.
I have won an Electric Mobility Rascal Scooter. Completely free. I have been in and out of touch with this company since the early 90's and my really crippled years. A recent chat with them (basic telemarketing chat) got me entered in the contest. I honored and thrilled to have won and yet afraid to admit the truth.

I am so very tired of hurting. By the time I get home from work, I am barely able to meet my own basic needs. The pain roars in my body. I have no life or want of life, because I cannot 'do' any more at the end of my day. By Friday, my pain has grown nicely, accumulating with each work day. My weekends are spent hoping to recover enough to start again on Monday. Camping works well for this. I have less to do in the camper than at home and it gives me access to a pool, which is my only doctor/therapist approved form of exercise. Even then, I have difficulty getting from camper to pool.
Yeah, I really could use this thing.
I'd be able to have easy access again to all of Target. I wouldn't have to use shopping carts like walkers. No more worrying about uneven terrain. Living History Farms, Adventureland, the State Fair; these are wouldn't have to be big 'no way' or 'pay for days' with pain. My first thought of any new outing is, "How far will I have to walk?" I could have the freedom of doing anything I like.
And then, everyone in the whole world will know I am "not able".
Why can I deal with handicaps in a positive frame of mind (and do at Target)- unless - it applies to me?

I have been asking God for help for a year now. What am I supposed to do with my life? Give up being physically active? Look for that sit-down job? The 90's sucked big time. I prefer to be out in the world, not house-bound. Is this Rascal Scooter an answer to a prayer? Some believe and will argue that if you have enough faith in God, there will be no illness in your life. But the only prophecy ever given over me was that my life is hard - for a reason. God stated that I have been prepared to take a stand. I have been prepared by years of pain. I will step up into a new place. What if my stand is to sit down? The standing is my vanity. There is nothing harder for me to personally do, than to sit down.
I keep being given a "vision" of Jesus. God came to save us, not in His Full Glory, but as a human. He started as a simple baby. God reached man by lowering Himself and becoming Man. There are a lot of sick people in the world who need a hope. They need Jesus. A healthy person of God stating, "you could be healed if you only trusted God" - they not going to reach the majority of hurting, sick public. Normal, healthy, people have no idea what living with pain and severe limitations does to your soul. I do. And I have the Hope. Sitting in medical waiting rooms, in hospitals, and labs; I can reach out and touch people who the average Christian will never see. I was given the gift of gab, (yeah, I know - you're laughing with me) and I'm not afraid to use it. I talk to people, they hear my testamony, and their hearts are lifted. And we do talk about miracles and of God. For some "the miracle" may not have to be health. Maybe it just neeeds to be a heart thing and a head thing. Their souls gently lifted into the light. They just needed the strength of knowing they are not alone and there is still a loving God watching over them. I have never met a disabled person who didn't knowGod. I don't ever remember hearing of a sick/disabled athiest. Perhaps those who are fighting the battles, are the only ones who truly recognize Who is in charge.

We have only two weeks of Kara living with us left. It is always a bit scary to set these young birds free. I've seen her walk - she could get in a lot of trouble flying. : )
I got to have a very nice long chat with Bec today. We don't do that near often enough.
It is very late and I took my sleepy pills a long time ago. G'Night world.

WORK
The week seems to be passing at a slow crawl. I'm really enjoying working the third shift. I'm sleeping well during the day and I have never had a problem being able to stay up all night.
We have got a lot done and it is so much easier when you don't have to work around guests. I swear, they are like moths to a flame. It doesn't matter what area you're resetting - there will be a run on whatever product is in that aisle. The night befor we got started a short time before the store closed. Three of us were taking down all the pencils, pens, crayons out of 'office supplies' to take to the newly setting 'back to school' area. At 9:45pm on a Monday evening - we had a run on those things. I had to dig all through a tub to find the box of 8 "fat" crayons. Then she wasn't sure if they were fat enough. They step over us, move our equipment - granted guests do come first, but really!
The only night that things didn't go well, we had way more chiefs than Indians. Always a problem no matter where you work. One boss would tell me to start "A", the next would tell me I didn't need to do "A" because they needed me to do "B", Which wouldn't last long and I would be pulled off task again by someone else to do "C". We didn't get near enough stuff out and we didn't get back to that area tonight (last night? - I'm confused). And of course since it isn't set, every guest will want what isn't there yet.
PLAY
This weekend is the big family camp weekend. We are all going to Timberline. We have spots reserved right across from the pool. I'm looking forward to it. It has been over two weeks skince we have been camping. Granted, I have got a lot done around here, but I need the break!
doppler
I just checked the doppler. It had just finished storming when I left work to come home. Our lights at the store even flickered once. I was in the fixture room. Not the place I want to be if the lights go out. Looks like that was just the tester before the big storm. Rob and Megan are getting hit hard now and will continue to do so for awhile.
just maybe
The Des Moines Register emailed me back to confirm I was the author of a letter I just sent in. Maybe I am about to be published again soon.
A copy of my letter
*climbs on soapbox*
Bruce Arnold stated in his July 4th letter that "No anti-choicers offer to take on the costs and care of a baby who wasn't planned."
Yes, we "pro-lifers" do. We are called "adoptive" parents and we will (and often do) go to the ends of the earth to find "our children".
[PS: He also states having an abortion is not an easy choice to make and that no one is "clear minded" during intimacy for birth control. It seems to me easier to choose a contraceptive than an abortion. If you are not making "sound choices" during intimacy, you may lack the maturity to be sexually active. Also, you are risking more than a pregnancy (which he seems to feel is a throw away by-product) by your carelessness. You are putting your own life on the line with the risk of HIV and other STD's. But, maybe those who don't value any human's life - have no value for their own life as well.]
*climbs off soap box*

It's been awhile! I'll try to catch everybody up.
The Mugging
No news yet, but the police are still confident they will have an arrest in this case. They have the video from the gas stations' security camera. It seems the sun was from the wrong direction, west, and you can't tell too much. So we figure if we ever decide to start robbing gas stations as a hobby, this particular one would be a good late afternoon hit. We have done several drives in interesting neighborhoods.
The dorm room
Never mind. Kara is going to get an apartment with Rich. They hope to move the 1st of August.
Target
I'm finally up to 8 hour days. Sorta. I can do it - but then I'm in incredible pain for hours after I go home. What ever works - I like paychecks. I had one month of no pay after my accident. Not a good thing. But I did get to watch "one Life To Live" every day. :)
This week the Plano team is working overnight. 9pm to 5:30am. (or until we get done.) I got home about 6am today. Took a quick shower and decided to play on the computer until the Aleve hits and I get sleepy enough to go to bed. We're setting "Back to School". It's a lot easier to do major sets when the store is closed. When there are guests in the store we have to be careful to keep things picked up, keep aisles clear, and occasionally help guests. Alot easier to do if you can really get into it and not worry about the mess.
July 3rd
Jeff's birthday and my infamous day of injury. I'm proud to say that I stayed injury free this year. Rand did slam a door on me, but I just recieved a small cut to my right foot. But no major, need to go to the hospital, life threatening thing happened.
July 4th
Rand got the day off and I had to work. I even had overtime. Alan and Lesia were back and everyone (Jeff and Tina and boys and us) hung around the folks' house.
July 5th
I got the day off and Rand had to work. I cut my hair, finally getting off the last of the damaged hair from my illness last year. Then Mom, Tina, and I went shoping for Mom's new keyboard/piano. This is a fabulous instrument that has a computer. Tina and I were quite impressed. We also got a short concert by the vice-president of the store on an organ that costs almost as much as my house. Very Awesome!
We then headed to SuperTarget. We made Mom try on new glasses frames. We decided we need to update her look. Mom always has to rely on someone else to choose her frames. She can't see her face without her glasses on. Tina and I were inspired. We put the different frames on Mom, then I took her picture with my digital camera so she could put her current glasses on and see how they looked. Another method we use: is I try them on. I am Mom's clone - if they look good on me, they will look good on her. We then hit all the clearance aisles, of course.
Mom was tiring, so Tina took her home and we hit my Target. found a few things Mom was wanting, but we couldn't find at SuperT. They weren't near as on top of their clearance like I am! ~patting self on back~
Sunday, July 6th
I slept in. Missed a great thunderstorm - too bad - I like a good storm. I layed low so I wouldn't tire my legs so I could function at work. Finally got caught up on my newspaper reading.

And here I am. Tired, but too sore to sleep. I think I'll play a few games on MSN. I'm finding they're addictive!

Want to hear God laugh? Tell Him what you have planned.

I was going to sit down at my computer last evening and share the basics of current life. Work, heat, & stuff. But then - last evening happened. Willie was in a "teen mood crash" yesterday. I way overdid at work and was hurting pretty bad. When I walked in the house after work - I was greeted with a trashed kitchen. And I hate that! (really hate that) And I was hot and tired and hurting very badly. And as hot as it was, the kids were baking. Our poor central air didn't stand a chance. We all clashed. The girls (Sandra and Kara - not the canines) and I smoothed over the rough spots before they went to work. I designed a new "dorm room" for the girls and drew a few rough floor plans for their consideration. Willie's mood just got worse.

The Mugging
Finally, about 7pm, he decided to go visit his friend Aaron. Aaron lives behind us and Willie was just going to ride his bike around the corner to Aaron's house. At the corner Wille was greeted by a group of 6-8 young (early high school age) black males. All were on bikes, but one. And they intended to fix that. They surrounded Willie and the tallest of the group punched Willie - hard in the jaw. The blow knocked his glasses off. Willie immediately surrendered his bike (new last fall). That wasn't good enough. They pushed him off and even demanded the combination of the bicycle lock on it. (Guess they wanted to make sure they didn't lose the bike at a later day.) He surrendered that as well. Smart kid - he knew instantly that his life was not worth a bike.
The thugs threatened that if Willie told anyone about this, they would find him and kill him. Not an idle threat by chldren in this sorry millenium. Then Willie was punched hard again, by another thug, in the same - already - sore jaw. Aaron just missed seeing the mugging (very fortunate) but got there in time to help Willie home.
I called the police, Randy jumped in his truck to go look for a large group of boys on bikes. Word spread fast and other neighbors in the joined the search in their vehicles as well. We found out from a friend just arriving at our next door neighbor Harold's home; that he had just drove by a large group of boys on bikes, matching Willie's descriptions, at our local gas station. He drove right back to verify, but they were gone. The police had several cars searching the neighborhod as well. One came to the house to get Willie's statement. The police did check at the gas station and ask about the boys. The clerk working said he didn't know the boys' names, but they were regulars there.
The police seem to be taking this very seriously and guaranteed they would apprehend them. The boys didn't cover their tracks at all. It is just a matter of time.
The police said if we should see them in the neighborhood, not to confront them, but to call instantly. I suggested "sitting" (parking - whatever) on them with my jeep - to make sure they didn't get away. He said we would get charged with a crime. So we asked a hypothetical question. "What if they were sleeping when the police got there?" You know - something like "I don't know officer, they just went to sleep! They must have been very tired." ;)
Willie, Aaron and I went for a little Jeep ride this afternoon. Just checking the sites. The thugs were not from our neighborhood. Wille had never seen them before. They weren't from our neighborhood or his school. We're thinking a nice evening family drive might be in order.
They succeeded because they created fear. They don't know what real fear is.
Wait until they meet up with this angry bear in the dark night.