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The week long party hit the front page of the Des Moines Register today.
I hope good comes of this. Parent should know. If Willie had participated in something like this somewhere else - I would want to know.
I'm sure some parents will have a lot of problem with this and me. That would be a basic natural balance that must always occur.
So far the criticism leans toward us leaving Willie alone. Most of these kids will be leaving for college in a few months. At what point are they supposed to be trusted to be mature and responsible?
Our only mistake was trusting Willie. We didn't abandon or neglect him. There were check points in place. Willie will be 19 in June. He has been raised to be a wonderful young man who most people delight in knowing. He is a friend to all with no boundaries of age, race, or abilities. And that trust we have for Willie, has been installed in him as well.
As a family we genuinely have trust for most of the human race. And when you tend to only look for the good in people, you do get burned. As much as Willie disappointed us, it as been even harder watching him realize how many "friends" took advantage of him. His trust has been broke as well.
Christmas 2011 - Birth of a New Tradition
6 months ago
38 bear growls:
You are amazing. You have blamed everyone but yourself.
I just have to know one thing...why do you expect anyone to give YOU an apology? The way I see it, you owe an apology to the parents of the teens at the party for allowing all of this to happen. YOU are responsible for EVERYTHING that happened.
It makes me scared for my children that there are parents like you out there.
First off, at some point, all children should take responsiblity for their own actions. At 18 yrs of age, they are able to distinguise right from wrong. Teenagers are going to make mistakes as everyone should knows. The thing is for us to be there to show them what they did wrong and why. Adults at times are no better. We still make mistakes and just hope are kids don't make the same ones. Anyone who thinks different needs to look at themselves before they judge. And yes I do have teenagers and try to raise them the way they should be.
To be totally truthful you, anonymous, are amazing and boy do I mean that in the most disrespectful way I can portray in words and a screen! You can not cast blame when you yourself sound like you could be one of the "deserving parents" that should also be responsible for your own child, and I mean child. If my assumtion is correct and you want to blame a parent blame the parent that has bestowed in their child/children the ethics of taking advantage of people that are suppose to be his/her friend. I know Willie very well, as well as Pam and Randy. Willie was a very trusting person, looking for the good in everyone, not thinking his "friends" would repay him in such a way. Yes, I am the one that is not the most liked on this site, so as much as I would like to refrain from this, I feel that everyone already has an oppion of me so my reputation is not going to be hurt...So anonymous the next time you leave the house I suppose I can come over and throw a party have, sex on your bed and basically just do whatever I feel like doing from on minute to the next, disreguarding anything that little voice that says "Heh this is not right" Then I can go home with a clear conscience knowing that it was your fault for leaving the house in the first place. I guess I too must have just been brought up wrong, sorry about that. There is your apology that you so well deserve. p.s. Thanks for taking some of the hatred of this site off me.
Pam, thank you for sharing this story. It should be an eye opener for all parents in the Des Moines area that these things happen here too. There are three major points that I think are huge issues:
1) Other parents had no clue about the weeklong party? I'm sure you admit it to be a failure on your part not asking what your child was doing while you were on the trip. However, have these other parents admitted their own failures? They should have noticed that something was up if by day 3 their child was still "sleeping upstairs."
2) Rape, actually this should have been number 1. There have been maybe stories about rape in school and at school activities lately in the news. I'm not sure if you listen to talk radio but Glenn Beck (heard 10am to 1pm on 98.3 WOWfm) has been following a story about a handicapped girl in Ohio who was raped at school. Their school administrators decided not to call the police because "they didn't want media attention." I think it is a failure for Hoover High School not to punish these students. Especially, if the parents aren't helping.
3) Another disconnect of society is our neighbors. If they noticed a lot of traffic then why weren't the police called? I'm assuming they knew you guys were gone. Any sane individual would figure out that there were no adults in there. I would have called the police and teach the kids a lesson.
Pam, I wish you the best and hope your son has learned a lot from this experience. He sounds like a nice kid who was taken advantage of by those kids with no morals or parents.
Bear, while I have a slight issue with parents leaving ANY teen alone in their home for 8 days without checking on the condition of the house or teen, we also cannot place the blame entirely on that parent.
I don't believe the school should bear any responsibility, but though you have to understand more than likely you will never get an apology or your items back, I feel that all the kids involved and their parents should be taken to task. Just because a homeowner is away does not grant those kids the right to act in the manner in which they did.
Where were the parents of the other kids? If my teenage daughter is going to be with friends, we make sure we know the other kids involved, and guarantee the parents will be there. She is not allowed to go anyplace where adult supervision is not in place. My husband and I keep tabs on her, and violations of that trust are dealt with accordingly.
Second, why do these kids feel just because they are at a party they can do whatever they damn well please? Have the VEISHA riots taught us nothing about group teen behavior? All those kids involved should be punished severely for those actions.
Third, if the police responded a couple of times, why did they not try to contact you, the parents and homeowners? They had a responsibility to determine if underage drinking or illicit drug use was occuring, but it sounds as if they did not. The police aren't babysitters, but they have a job to do, and I feel if I were absent from my home for any reason, and my kids had a party that the police responded to, I would want to be notified. And, if my daughter were arrested for underage drinking, I would be thanking the police for sparing further injury, damage, possibly even the death of someone. She would be severly punished by me and my husband.
Having said all this, I do have to point a finger in your direction, to be only fair. Is this the first time you left your son home alone like this? If not, 8 days is not a good way to initiate him into the world of taking responsibility. Someone should have been checking in on him and reporting to you, regardless of his age.
Regarding the alcohol issue, you cannot be faulted if the teens brought their own, but if you were going to leave an 18-year old alone for several days, there should have been NO alcohol accessible. Kids of all ages will be tempted to do forbidden behavior, no matter how trusting they have been up to that point.
Did you specifically state to your son that no one was allowed to come over, or if friends could come over, to limit the amount and no parties whatsoever?
I have to say you should learn from this, and I commend you for sharing your story so other parents might hopefully learn as well. Incidences such as this show up that everone is responsible, as it may actually take a village to raise a child.
Hi Pam, i am totally with you. Since when is it your fault that someone elses kids don't know how to act like a human, instead of chimps. Your son is 18 , old enough to go to war, so certainly old enough to stay by himself at home. To your first person that commmented..you should be ashamed. Since when does an 18 year old need a babysitter. Maybe you are the parent of one of those chimps ?
You can't blame them. They were raised by machines.
You (and the other 'adults' in their environment) shoved them into the hands of a system of institutions that frankly, DON'T CARE. Plopped infront of a box that teaches them that the 'grown up' thing to do it to spend-spend-spend/party-party-party (and if you can't afford that lifestyle, then there is something wrong with you). Speaking of things that are wrong, HOW in the world do you get off trading in an AMERICAN MADE Prius (saving the lives of how many young soldiers, we can only guess) for a MEXICAN MADE, gas guzzling toy? Where do you think these young adults have learned their behavior?
BTW, if bleach gives you a headache, don't use it.(Try vinegar and water, it works just as well and produces NO toxic fumes if used properly, unlike bleach, which was developed for use as a weapon in WWI) If young adults test their boundaries a bit too much for your taste, then give them consequences for doing so(sign them all up for visits from the local Army recruiter, for example), or remove the false boundaries.
These people, if over 18 years of age, adults. If you are an adult also, then you should deal with them all one-on-one, just as you would with any other adult. So far, you have been quite passive-agressive in your approach with this situation, not wanting to take any responsibility for your own reaction to what was a possibility. Act like an adult and give these new-adults a GOOD example of how to handle interpersonal conflict. (A good example would NOT involve the Police or the School System, but a straight-on approach, such as TALKING to the young-adults just as you would any other adult.)
Another terrible anonymous. What 18 year old needs a babysitter? You wanted the school to baby sit...you wanted the parents to baby sit...you wanted tv to baby sit...you wanted a computer to baby sit.... you wanted the police to babysit.. you sure the heck didn't want, too. You left him home....old enough to be in the army...wouldn't you like the kid's guests protecting our country.
jreeves, hlc101 and Joe Brooks all make good points.
I too know Willie. He seems like a nice kid but I can see how people could take advantage him. Are his parents responsible for everything that happened? No, but it seems they had too much trust that he could handle the situation they left him in. Would I let one of my kids stay alone in my home without any adult supervision for a week? Are you kidding? Do other parents let this happen? Apparently there are a few. Most of us try to instill the best moral values we can and advise of the severe consequences for an infraction. I enforce my rules.
The main focus needs to be the sexually assault. If it happened as it was reported in the Register, the two boys should be charges as adults and be identified by the state as sexual predators. If there was no consent, it was rape. I am told that the girl was dating one of the boys. I'm sure more will come out with time.
I don't agree with Willie's parents. I would not hesitate to press charges for any damage to my home and theft of my property.
How Willie's parents and the parents of all the teenagers involved proceed from here will be very telling. I grilled my teenager about this party. I was told they stopped by to pick up a college friend that was there. Will I stop investigating with that advisory from my kid? No way. If I find out my student hung out, drank, smoked, damaged or stole anything, there will be appropriate consequences and restitution. I do not have much faith that many other parents will do the same.
Most parents believe that their kids could do no wrong.
Isn't attention great? I just LOVE getting so much attention don't you?
GROW UP!!!
If you truly want to resolve this ituation, then talk to the PEOPLE who did it. NOT THE POLICE OR THE SCHOOL SYSTEM. At least talk to their parents.
I wish I could get a whole article about myself in the A section of the Des Moines Register by complaining about something too.
Try some therapy for your attention problem.
If you choose to leave your young adult home alone, and if they break rules, then you should give them CONSEQUENCES as a result. Not just talk to them about how "naughty" they were and "don't do that again or we will be really mad at you next time and you don't want us to get really mad at you do you noogums?"
Make them clean up, pay for it.
Haven't you learned anything yet? He's not FIVE for crying out loud. If he's old enough to have an unauthorized party, then he's old enough to make restitution for what happened at that party.
There was a girl that was sexually assaulted at this party...and the parents have the nerve to call themselves victims because they can't go camping??
And now they are saying that their responsible 18 year old son was merely "taken advantage of". How naive are you?? I'm sure he wasn't involved in any of the drinking, drugs or sex going on...not your little angel! Oh, that's right, he just invited some other kids over for movies and kool-aid!!!
Of course the other teenagers at the party should be held accountable for their actions...but Willie and his parents should also accept some of the blame.
I came across your story in the Des Moines register and I agree with you totally. Good for you getting your story out. Its unfortunate what a group of uninvited, spoiled kids did to your home.I agree with the previous poster if Willie is old enough to die for his country, than come on, he can certainly stay home alone for eight days. Blaming you for leaving him home alone is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Again kudos to you, good luck and I hope you get your stuff back. You are one tuff Grandma!
Anonymous said:
Of course the other teenagers at the party should be held accountable for their actions...but Willie and his parents should also accept some of the blame.
If you actually go back and read this blog you will see that she has accepted some responsibility. And her son is getting punished. You cannot however blame Pam or her family for two kids raping a girl in their home, firing BB's throughout the house, stealing the friggin remote control, and smoking pot, drinking beer, and watching porno!
How does one control 50+ teenagers if you are a teenager yourself? I'm sure at a certain point during the wild week Willie no longer had control of the situation. In my opinion, when Willie lost control others started taking advantage of him.
Mrs. Cook - this incident is a reflection of your school and your own failure as the head of the school - DEAL WITH IT. Every person on that basketball team who waltz into that house and trashed it should be expelled from the team. But, I digress their "role-models" in NCAA basketball and the NBA are doing the same exact thing.
This wasn't the first time Willie was left alone. This wasn't the first time that Randy and Pam went camping for an extended period. There was enough history for them to believe that leaving Willie be wouldn't be an issue. Knowing the family and knowing Willie, I tend to agree with their assessment. Willie's not retarded. He's fully capable of staying home and going to work and school without being watched-over 24/7. Aside from that did no one read the part about Randy coming home and finding nothing to be amiss? Turns out he just missed the party. It's not like Randy and Pam took off for a month leaving him to fend for himself, an hour away.
Also, to those who for whatever reason act like Pam and Randy aren't taking any responsibility for it, they're not suing anyone. They're taking on the repair and clean-up on their own and eating their losses instead of insisting that someone else should pay for it. If that doesn't demonstrate a level of acceptance, nothing does. On top of that they're holding Willie accountable.
One other thing that I'm seeing a lot of is the assertion that they should talk to the kids who tore up their house. They're still waiting for an apology. If the kids won't come forward to utter, "I'm sorry," they're not going to come out and have an actual discussion.
OKay, there are several things I don't understand here. First off..at the age of 18 a YOUNG ADULT can move out of a parents house without consent. So how in the world can these parents be blamed? I've also read on this site something I totally agree with, WHY didn't the parents know where THEIR children were??? huh? The parents of Willie knew WHERE their young adult was. As Pam had said on her site, there WERE checkpoints, although, at the age of 18 actually there really didn't need to be. Let's see, I think the blame should be placed on the only place it deserves to be....that's with ALL the children and young adults that were there....end of story,,,W.O'Reilly
My opinion on first posting by "Anonymous". This person is likely:
A) An irresponsible student posing as a parent.
B) An irresponsible parent posing as a responsible parent. A parent who has set zero moral or ethical behavioral expectations of her or his children; and obviously expects the rest of society to be satisfied with the same.
C) An adult person who has never been a parent. If they ever are, I hope they will realize and teach their child that each person in this world is accountable for their actions.
I respect these parents for holding their son accountable. My gut tells me that he is a decent kid who was simply not ready to deal with the overwhelming situation he found himself in. He’s learned another lesson about life.
It would seem there is plenty of “blame” to go around. The parents obviously misjudged their young man’s readiness to deal with a peer situation of this magnitude. If they owe anyone anything, it is their accountability to him; whom they owe their continued love, patience and support as he deals with his own accountability in the matter.
I pray for this young girl who was victimized at this party, which appears to be the most tragic of the events that occurred there, NOT strewn BB’s and a missing drinking glass. (Not to forgive those either, let’s just keep perspective).
To the young people:
I encourage all of the students’s involved at this party to look at themselves in the mirror, think about their own actions, hold themselves accountable for any wrongdoing and then take action by doing the right thing. They should not let themselves get caught up in the petty politics of some of the adults in the city who, based on reports and rumors, may be more interested in covering their own rear ends. Regardless of opinions or decisions by Hoover administration, the DMPS, police, judicial system, or your peers, just go do the right thing for yourself.
People, (especially young people) that are not held accountable by their parents, families, friends or society must dig deep and rely on their own character. Failure to do so will ultimately lead to a miserable life. Dr. ML King once said, “The ultimate measure of a (person) is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
Stand tall, use the wisdom of the best among us, think and then work to make things better. The foundation of your life you are building today will be the stronger for it.
I'm confused.
When we talk about the issue of if you should have left Willie alone for eight days, you say he a responsible 18-year old.
When we talk about Willie's involvement in the party, you say he is a special-ed student that can easily be taken advantage of.
Which one is it? If he is a responsible adult, then shouldn't he have to answer some questions about the under-age drinking, drugs and rape that happened at HIS party?
If he's easily taken advantage of, should he really have been left alone for eight days?
Connie Cook chose to publicly label Willie. He is a fairly normal kid who lost control of a situation. Trust me - he is being held responsible.
I've raised two teenagers and neither of them will be posing for Holy Pictures any time soon. Most parents are too stupid to really look at their own child and see that they are not perfect and do not always make us proud. I can easily see how this situation got way out of hand for Willie. Of course, hind sight is 20/20, but the most responsible thing he could have done is call his parents when things got out of control. The unfortunate result of that is a young girl who will be scarred for life now, and hopefully two young men whose reputations and futures will be permanently damaged, if justice is served. I'm sure these two deviates would have carried out this act regardless of this party, they obviously have little moral fiber. Now Willie and his parents will have to share some of the moral responsibility of this damage.
And this is my point exactly, as parents we just can't know what will happen in this day and age. We have to be so vigilant about what our kids are doing, where they are going and who they are with. My kids had me convinced that I was the "nutcase" mother because I insisted on knowing all of this, all the time. But that could have been my daughter at that party, maybe drinking for the first time and having too much and then being raped!!! If we don't guard our children this is what we are sending them out into. My children would ask, "Don't you trust me?" It's the rest of the world I don't trust and a good rule of thumb is "Don't trust your children any further than you can throw them". Sad but true! Now my almost grown college children agree that even thought I was the "nutcase" mother and they tried to make me believe they could handle things, I really NEEDED to be a nut. Many times just what I suspected was going on a someone's house is exactly what was going on. I always insisted on talking to the parents to make sure they were aware that a party was going on and that no alcohol would be served. Believe me when I tell you that I had parents bare-face lie to me and actually supply the alcohol for the party!!!! Idiots, they must surely be idiots!!
Also, are you sure that was BB pellets and that HUFFING was not the cause of those pellets on the floor???? The moral of my story is this: All Parents, use the brains God gave you and be an informed and dedicated watchdog of your most prized possession, your children. If you trust your kid, then be smart and don't trust other kids or the pressure that can make a good kid make a bad choice. It can happen, they are really not adults yet and the pressure they have is far more than we had. And most of all, your kids don't need you to be their friend, they have plenty of friends, they need you to be their parent and a good, strong one at that. I always told my kids, "When I stand before God He is not going to ask my how so-and-so raised their kid, He is going to ask me how I raised the precious gift He entrusted to me. I'd better have a good answer for Him!
Iowa law provides liability for any parent of a child, up to $2000 (check it out, its been I while since I saw the law - but a reference librarian at the public library can find a copy of the state law for you) for any illegal damage done.
You do not have to go to criminal court, you can file directly in small claims court against the parents and kids who did the damage and violated the law - their insurance company may have to write you a check for your damage. You do not even have to have a lawyer, the small claims court at the County Courthouse can help you if you know any of the folks who were responsible...
The only downside is you may learn things about your son's complicity you may not want to hear, but then he is paying too, and all who were responsible (or rather irresponsible) and caused damage should pay. THAT WILL PROMOTE PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR KIDS BEHAVIOUR. IMHO ONLY. Good luck.
I think Pam is just wanting the kids to admit to their mistakes and learn from it. Abeit the two that raped the underage girl - they should receive the harshest of all penalities. A label for life of being a pedophile.
I wouldn't expect anything else out of a christian than for them to divert the blame away from themselves.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME ALONE FOR 8 DAYS. Anyone with ANY common sense knows this. But of course look at who I am writing this to.
A fourteen year old girl was raped in your home, possibly in your bed, by two boys. But of course it isn't in any part your fault. It took so much courage and time for you to post a list of things that your teenager could and couldn't do...I guess you forgot to put 'make sure no one is raped in our house' on the list.
Yes, i do have kids, and I have enough sense not to leave them at home alone. Especially for the ridiculous amount of time that you and your husband were careless enough to leave him there for.
You called this a 'learning experience'. If you haven't learned to parent by now I sure hope you don't or cannot have anymore children.
If we could just write a note to our children and know that they would follow the instructions there would be no need for parents and guardians of ours, yours or anyones STILL SCHOOL AGED CHILDREN. And yes, your child is still of school age. Leaving your child alone for 8 days is not something you do to give them space to grow. That is what you want to do to invite trouble into your home.
You should be ashamed of YOURSELF and of the son your parenting skills have produced. However, I am aware that you are not.
No gods to praise.
No satan to BLAME.
Try personal responsibility and common sense for a change.
On the nose, candice. On the nose. Your opthamologist should be proud. Dead center. On target.
What is wrong with you Candice???? It seems you don't read the other posts on this site. Willie is 18, almost 19. At the age he is, still in school or not, HE COULD LIVE IN HIS OWN HOUSE. Would the parents need to stop in on him daily to make sure everything was going okay then? I just don't understand anyone who wouldn't think it would be okay to leave a person of this age alone for 8 days. Also, if you had read, the parents did stop in to check on him, although I don't really think they should of had to. You talk about this parents not having good parenting skills...HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS? You are a rude and mean person.....actually a very wicked person. It seems like to me you are the one with horrible parenting skills.....when you kids do bad things, do you blame everyone else except them????? It's the people that did these horrible things that night that are at fault...not the parents of an 18, almost 19 year old man...who I might add in the near future will probably be carrying a gun fighting in Iraq or whatever other country Bush decides to send these young adults to. OH but no, don't leave them home alone.....you ignorant person you. Also, to the young girl who was raped, my heart goes out to you. It doesn't matter how drunk you were, the rape was NOT your fault...I hope you have started some type of counseling....my thoughts are with you. W.O'Reilly
Can anyone please tell me why when one person tries to give wake up call it brings out the worst on comments? Are you all that petty, you must kick people when they are down? I thought that being adults ment you have the ability to see the big picture instead of with blinders on saying "LOOK EVERYONE! THIS PERSON HAS MADE A MISTAKE AND NOW WE CAN BETTER OUR SELVES BY TELL HER HOW SHE WAS SO EVIL AND WRONG TO LEAVE AN 18 YR OLD ALONE AND THINGS GOT UGLY!" By the way. for those who don't know this, by law you can be tried as an adult at 18 not nesessarily at 21. So, unless you have anything constructive to say, give them a break.
I feel for you but I don’t hold you accountable. Plan and simple, this is your son’s fault. He had the ability, from the start to stop what was going on. As you state, there were multiple actions he could have taken but the first one was to follow your rule of “no parents, no guests”. You, as an adult have the right to leave for a weekend and not have to worry about leaving your adult (18 is an adult whether he’s in school or not) child at home. This is not the schools fault or responsibility in any way, shape or form.
After spending 20+ years in the military(Navy) and mentoring many young people who have made “Mistakes”, I have to believe the National Guard may not be the best way for Willy. If he wants “money for school, training in career, and self discipline” he might do well to join one of the “full time” military branches. I speak from experience when I say the training and self discipline in the Guard and minimal and short sited.
you know what maybe if you had a bit is sense you would know that it was SPING BREAK come on talk about maturity and you are suppose to be the adult.Who would leave there child at home for that long? and you knew your son was so called popular....There is your sing Lady! Yes the things that went on at the party were horrible and are probably every parents worst nightmare but dont go around blaming everyone else your son was the person who invited everyone, people just didnt start showing up for the hell of it. So why dont you go and ask your son WHAT REALLY HAPPEND!
I've known Willie for a while, and he seems like a pretty good guy - but that still doesn't change the fact that he had people in YOUR house without permission - especially when a rule was already set in stone NOT to have friends or guests over without you around.
*However*...I don't think it's ENTIRELY his fault...I mean, yeah - if you had about 50 teenagers in your house, it'd be a little hard to get them under control. And I heard the stories from people who were there and stuff - how he was a "snitch", and other things like that - imagine what MIGHT have happened had he tried to call the cops or something? Yes - it was his fault that the party started, and yes it was his fault for having people over in the first place...but I really wouldn't blame him for any of the damages or anything. If anything, I would probably press charges against the violators and their families. ***And as for Hoover and Mrs. Cook being at fault - First of all, it's true - it's all about *the school*, when it comes down to it. And there ARE those that DO care, but those few are like drops of water in the desert. But this isn't an issue of caring or not - it's simply an issue of jurisdiction. And I am NOT trying to stand up for Mrs. Cook - at all. I cannot stand that woman, I hate her with a passion, I have ever since the first time I've talked to her. Anyway...thank you if you took the time to read this, and if you've got any disagreements or anything, then I'm sorry that my opinion wasn't well recieved.
Respectfully,
Hoover Student
Just because it was spring break DOES NOT give those kids the right to enter a home without the homeowners permission, whether Willie said it was okay or not. Civilized behavior is civilized behavior no matter WHAT time of the year it is. Do you think it mattered to that girl what time of year it was when she got raped? Is it her fault, then, for attending the party? I don't care how you present it, Spring Break does not provide justifiable cause for insane behavior.
As far as the comment, "people just didnt start showing up for the hell of it", HELLO! Have you ever attended a party that started small, then got out of control? Nowadays, we have things like cell-phones that make it SO easy to pass the word. It only takes one person calling or text-messaging a friend, who does it to two more friends, who do it to two of their friends, and before you know it, you have a crowd. You would be surprised at how quickly things like that escalate. I know, because I was party to that in my teens, not of my own accord. However, I was smart enough to know that things had gone far beyond what they should have been, thanks to GOOD PARENTING by my mother, and left right away. I was spared injury, though one unfortunate person can't say the same.
I think, personally, the persons on here yelling the loudest to blame Pam and her son entirely are upset because they looked in the mirror after this, and saw what type of people THEY were. They probably saw what their kids TRULY are, and the truth hurts. Don't act guilty if you have nothing to be guilty about. OR, are most of you the parents of these good, decent, mild-mannered kids that attended that party? Face facts, people, Pam is accepting her role in this, as well as her son's. Why can't the rest of these kids do the same? Is it because they know what they did was totally wrong, and refuse to take responsibility for their actions? I guess that's what high-society, star athletes do.
Okay, I am on the mother's side here. While I do not buy the whole "he was taken advantage of" bit, I do believe that 18 is old enough to know right from wrong, and is definately old enough to be left alone at home. He is legally an adult, and to be perfectly honest, the boy just better be glad that I'm not his mama, because...well, I'm gonna leave the rest to imagination. :-) But seriously. I do not think that the parents should be blamed in this.
Trust me, Willie isn't any happier these days that I am his mama.
And for the official record for his "friends";
Willie didn't "snitch"!
Most of the information I did get from Willie was forcefully coerced. Hour after hour. Night after night. The only thing he openly shared with me were his concerns of the assault.
Beyond that he tried to take the bullet for his "friends". I didn't lay off until I had names and details. Then I didn't use that information to "go after" them. He is the only one I am concerned with punishing.
Their punishment is up to their parents.
My concern is the deadly games these kids are playing. They think they're immortal. We know they'e are not.
I also wanted to let the boys mother (sorry I forgot your name) How happy I am that you told your story. What an eye opener for parent's out there. Like I previously said, do not blame yourself. You did everything you should have done, and as I remember from my teenage years, if these kids really wanted to have a party they would have found a way to do it without no matter how many times you checked up on your son. Anyway, I am a mother, and although my son is only 2 years old, I do have 3 stepdaughters, 1 who is approaching her teenage years.
And as for anonymous, and "candice". I am disgusted by the comments that you have posted. For heavens sake, put your self in this woman's shoes. It is obvious that she understands that her son is to blame to. Why do you have to come down so hard on her? If you really want to put blame on someone, what about the parents who had no clue where their children were? Not for a day, but for an entire week? I know why you don't blame them, because your one of them. And as for "Candice" I am very offended about you slamming christianity. Have some respect. Please.
I think this whole situation is crazy. I was 18 almost 19 once. How about everyone who is out there? No one has been to a party that no adults were home, never lied to their own parents about being someplace that they never had any intention of going to in the first place. Please...this is a person who is an adult. Say it with me an adult. Whether or not anyone wants to admit it he is a man. He is responsible for having the party. He needs to own up to his parents pay for what has been lost or damaged. He was and still is old enough to stay at home by himself for eight days. These parents owe it to themselves to go out and have some fun together as a couple. They don't need to worry about their son who is now a man getting ready for college. Who would be responsible if he had is own apartment and threw a party? His parents? No he is now a consenting adults.
I dont think that it is fair to point fingers at the parents he isn't five, nine, or thirteen.
However to be naive enough to think that he is just having a few friends over...
They make movies about this. Parents going on vacation and before the parents are two blocks away... There is a line going in to the house full of people.
I for one believe that Pam is a responsible parent by writing this article to get it published because now a lot of parents are talking to there young adults about this party. I am sure a few got caught up in some trouble.
Blaming someone for this is a waste of time. i bet everyone learned a lesson.
The very last thing that I have to type: is to Connie Cook that said the kid was in special ed. Whether or not this kid is in special ed who are you to label somebody with some disability. You must be the dumbest woman out there. That can he your label.
As a younger parent, I have a child that will be entering middle school next year, to which Ms. Cook is also the principal of along with the high school end.
First thing I would like to comment, is no matter what happened, has happened now, whether or not trust has been destroyed and going to need alot of work to earn each and every ounce of that trust back. It does take a real strong-hearted person to share their experience with everyone, and for it to be published in the Des Moines Register, which to my understanding had alot to do with Ms. Cook if I read right but I could be wrong there, and even the most naive liberal should know that the Register has a tendency to twist their stories. The son is legally an adult now, why police wasn't called, either by him, or the neighbors is beyond me. Parents of these other kids who were never home didn't step in either, but the way society is, many parents don't seem to care what their kids are doing, or where they are at, and with this age of cellphones, there is no excuse to know what these kids are doing, and where they are at, whether they're 18 or not and still under their parent's care, them kids should still have rules to abide by, and that doesn't dismiss the fact that the parents of the son who was left home weren't responsible for their son's actions, but it is up to the parents directly to discipline the son, which by the sounds of it, is being done.
Also in a day where the schools, or anyone for that matter will call the police or DHS for physical discipline. Well I don't agree with that aspect, if this was any of my kids, and I don't care how old they are, I am not gonna think twice, I will still put my kids over my knee and give them a whoopin they would never forget and then make them publicly apologize for their actions. Anyone who would feel that is too violent if I ever have to take that kind of action, which I hope would never be needed, can go right ahead and call the police or DHS for the personal choices in my own home, we'll just see how these children turn out as adults, as a result.
I apologize I don't remember Bear's name, or her son's, but I wish your family nothing but the best from here on out.
sorry to say but i think your putting way to much blame on his "friends" and not him. hes at fault too. he was the one who invited his "friends" over and maybe he didnt invite the other kids but he had to have a little say about what went on in his house. if your perfect little angel is so responsible he woudlnt have invited anyone over in the first place. you think your angel didnt drink? get real...not all of the fault is on him true..but if it werent for him inviting his "friends" over for kool-aid and to watch a dvd nobody would have gotten raped none of your stuff would have been damaged or stolen. so next time think twice before you leave your angel home alone for 8 days.
Also why aren't you blaming any of this on yourself? If Willie is a responsible kid why did he throw that party? And you say he is "special" well if i were you I wouldnt leave him alone....No special kid of mine would ever be left alone. If your kid does things behind your back and lie about IMPORTANT things then something is wrong with the parents. Also about Willie being inoccent ask him what really went on. I bet you if you ask him if he did anything with a girl he will say he didn't..But that is a LIE, You may ask how i know this but I can't give out that information. So think twice before you go and blame others for your son's actions.
Connie Cook is right for everything she did and said! I am supporting her fully!
You need to get your facts strait!
I give up - I've re-read. I can't find the part where I call Willie "a perfect little angel". I don't ever remember saying those words, ever, about any of my kids.
And trust me - that phrase definetely hasn't come up since we have been home. He has been, and still is, being SEVERLY PUNISHED. I'm willing to bet his punishment is the most severe of any of involved kids.
Willie has admitted to ALL OF HIS wrong doings. And there were many. (Admitting wrong is an act of maturity, BTW) It is his peers names and their actions he has TRIED to protect. I'll guarantee - I don't know everything - yet. But I do know an awful lot. Makes my skin crawl.
Willie, normally, doesn't lie to us. And he didn't lie about the important things. All of our kids - have been taught since the beginning, the WORSE thing you can do is lie to us. We don't care what you did wrong and how bad you've screwed up - DO NOT LIE TO US. The worse punishment they could invoke was by telling a lie. And sometimes they found out the hard way.
That's probably what hurts us the most. Willie LIED. He wasn't left ALONE! I am so sick of hearing that word "ALONE"! We did regular calls, visits, checks, - and HE LIED TO US. He hid his friends and LIED about what was going on. He has completely lost our trust and that is probably the deepest loss for us and him. He has asked several times when we think we will have some trust in him again. We really can't give him an answer.
To Quote:
"If your kid does things behind your back and lie about IMPORTANT things then something is wrong with the parents."
I suppose your parents know every detail of your life then? Or are they as "screwed up" as we are?
Things get broke - We do get that. But some of the recklessness was just the beating on our stuff to cause damage. that - we don't get. Willie didn't steal from us. We did "take" quite a bit of his stuff away though.
Any victim of a crime who has ever had anything taken from them - understands what a personal violation this is.
I don't consider a sporadic short term memory loss all that "special". We have always treated Willie as a normal kid. The only thing really special about Willie was the size of his EGO. I have taken that away as well.
You "know" stuff, but you can't give out "that information".
I'm guessing you may be the little prostitute Willie was with. (May be the wrong word - I think "prostitute" means you get compensation for your services and my understanding is it was free all week) As many guys as some girls were taking care of - I even stopped the interrogation and asked Willie, "Were the girls were at least being "compensated" for this much work?" Nope.
OR were you "just watching" the action? I understand quite a bit was done in the open.
PARENTS - are you paying attention??? THESE are the games our kids are playing.
A basic doctor exam for STDs (including HIV) is not out of order for several of the teens that were here. (Did you know syphilis is on the rise among teens in the USA?) That was once thought almost eradicated here.
I'm even a bit curious to see if the "nine months phenomena" will apply to this party. I do love babies.
For the second poster - I believe the word you meant to use was STRAIGHT.
I wouldn't be "too supportive" of your learning institution if I were you. You may not be the best example.
Man, I had to quit reading the comments halfway through.
First off, I HATE anon commenters. It's not like anyone is going to track you down and come to your house. Make a profile you lazy buggers.
I think it's funny that people are acting like Willie was the first and only high school kid to ever throw a party and have bad things happen.
I completely support the actions you took in handling this fiasco.
People say that you should have never left Willie alone to begin with. I disagree with that. If you don't think you can leave your child alone, then you've been doing something wrong. Once again, I have no kids of my own (save for my Guinea Pig), but that doesn't invalidate my opinions either.
Willie did what 90% of the kids across America and probably the rest of the civilized would do. The only difference is, he got caught, and was made to pay for it. And I don't see where all these fools keep coming up with all these claims of Willie getting off scott free. I remeber a few of his punishments you listed, and I believe that those are damn near devastating to a high school teen.
For all those who disagree with the way Bear handles HER OWN FREAKING FAMILY, I've created a list for you to deal with Bear's actions...
1. Hit the 'Home' key (located on the right side of your keyboard, just above the arrow keys)
2. Move your cursor to the top right of your browser window.
3. Hit the 'Next Blog' button.
Voila!
Keep it up, Bear. You're still my favorite Gramma (aside from my own Gramma ;) )!
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