Finally, an update!
This has been edited - a lot!
I was in a mood. I decided if you can't say anything nice.....
It wasn't anyone one person or event per say...Just life in general.
In the meantime, I have had another birthday. Let's see, that makes me....Probably older than you!
Friend Sandy has had another surgery, this time to put in a shunt. Other than that, she remains in a coma with no change. The reflex movements are gone. There has also been a feeding tube inserted. She has remained weaned of the respirator, but occasionally is hooked up to air for "boosters".
This has been an interesting lesson life lesson in observing how people react under stress.
In a example of some of the most deplorable human behavior I have ever witnessed, there is now an arrest warrant out for Friend Sandy's "adult" sons. Turns out while Dad was dividing his time between work, caring for their nine year old, and visiting his comatose wife; the sons were occupied with breaking, entering, and theft. The victim? Their dad.
Work has been work. Still fighting bugs in the computer programs. A new install was done overnight the other night. Not everyone received the word that they needed to save to an outside source. There were some losses, though nothing major.
I got called in again today. I haven't had a Thursday off in weeks. It is supposed to be my set day off. The powers that be are convinced that I am not needed in the office on Thursday. So far that hasn't proven true. I got "the call" this morning.
While I was at work this afternoon, I got to celebrate the first tornado warning at the new store. I had just got back into the office when the second one went off. I came home. I was done standing in the tornado safe area and had decided I was more worried about the dogs than driving in the storm.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that wasn't quite a true statement. I love storms - no fear here!
My friend with cancer has finished the last of her radiation. I don't know if it helped as much as it hurt. She continues to gain back strength from that ordeal, while losing ground to the cancer.
I have a doctor appointment in the morning. I think I'm emotionally ready to start the fight for pain relief and/or serious RA meds. I'm sick of the pain - I got stuff to do!

We are setting things up so I can web cam with Lilly. Sandra is starting to work part time weekends with Ryan at the country club. When it gets busier, we will get to keep Lilly for weekends. WooHoo!!!

I just went downstairs (no small feat for me), started a load of laundry, and came back up the stairs with an armful of clean throw rugs. . For the life of me, I can't remember adding detergent to the latest load. I'm not going back down.

Is it really bad that I think this is very cool?

I found this anywhere but here. (this is a cute play on words, eh?) I pasted the whole thing because, it seems, most of my family is too lazy to click on my links. If you haven't read spoons, then I'm not speaking to you anymore. Way to care.

Edit and an update! And the sparks fly! This has been a hell of a week and it continues.
and I present
It could be worse - with author recognition at the bottom.

Original article removed due to extreme bitchiness.

My name is Cyn Kitchen. Today I discovered you have posted a piece I wrote on your blog, www.thisbearbites.blogspot.com. I don't necessarily have a problem with you posting my work. I do have a problem with you not including credit to me as the writer. You're leaving readers the impression the work is yours. I would appreciate it if you would either 1) add my name to the piece as the owner of the work, or 2) remove it from your site completely. Thank you, Cyn Kitchen

I would appreciate it if since you copied and pasted this piece from my blog you would at least to the decent thing and include my byline. I didn't go to college for six years and bust my butt to become a writer so people could steal my work. Cyn Kitchen

--
Posted by Cyn Kitchen to This Bear Bites! at 3/31/2006 05:54:08 PM

Wow! A comment and an email. I think she means it kids.

What I get for posting in the middle of the night. I suppose I could just blame the Ambien I took hours earlier......

I didn't mean to be "not decent" and the link starting this writing led directly to you (originally). I said above "most are too lazy to click on the links". I am obviously wrong because you found me - because someone clicked on the link I made and found you. You tracked a hit to your site that came from my site. Obviously, you got the credit and glory you need. I will now remove the link, that though worked, displeased you.
Are you attacking all people who quote you; or was I just special? I really thought linking to you was pretty good credit. It seems to have worked here.
No where did I claim or pretend this was my writing. I even gave credit to the site I found it on. Which was not yours!

Sorry you broke your butt in college. That had to hurt. Nobody ever taught you please in any class I see. I understand ISU offers a class in social graces. It was designed to help the engineering students learn how to act like nice normal people.

Thanks for being so rude and being the perfect end to a shitty week.

While I am editing/updating, my doctor appointment today was disappointing to the point I am in tears. I do get to see another rhuematologist in two weeks. But got no changes in medication for my pain came today. I spent most of today in bed or with a cane. I'm pretty sure I screwed up my meds today. My pain has been off the scale today. I spent the day in bed. It even hurts to breathe.
I did go visit Friend Sandy early this morning (before the pain completely won). She has finally been moved out of ICU and into a regular (still nuero unit) room. She seemed slightly responsive today, but is still in a coma. Her family hopes to place her in On With Life.

March 28, 2006 | Permalink

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you. Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible. While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks. Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

Next? Of course that means everyone will have to actually update. I'm speaking to all of my adult kids! And that tongue-happy Scott. Yeah, I know Rob did just update, but more frequently isn't going to hurt either. That girl Rob spends time with (Debbie? Dora? ) but won't visit us....
I have spent the last few days rediscovering my love of craft and sewing. I have even picked up some "artistic" supplies.
I credit to bloggers with my awakening of my art. Kris, who recently told me not leave this world without letting the art within me out. And Carol, her blog breathes into me the lost peace of practicing. I find reading her updates right up there with Happy Trees.
I need to find that inner rest. That place where I'm not thinking about anything but the task at hand. I've started with finishing a few old sewing projects. I hope to add other things into the mix soon. A bit of cross stitching and scrap booking.
I cannot tell you how much fun Camper is while sewing. She knocks my scissors to the flour. Bites the thread on the top of the machine. Tries to steal yarn and material. She was sitting on the material while I am trying to feed it into the machine. Reminds me of sewing when my kids were toddlers.
I'm saving smaller scraps and threads to put out for the soon to be nesting birds. I did that last year and it looked like a shark feeding frenzy. The birds were appreciative of my efforts to say the least.
Friend Sandy grows quieter and less responsive. Rumors are the family has been asked to make a descision.

taller and taller

A lit stairwell as viewed at dusk.

May you party with the millions
Drinking Guinness, Harp, and Killians
May you dance away your sorrow
And wake up somewhere safe tomorrow

Slainte: Cheers! (SLAWN-cha)
Babhta eile : Another round! (BAU-tuh EL-uh)
Thiteas agus ni feidir liom eiri : I've fallen and I can't get up!
(HIT-us UH-gus nee FAY-dir lyom AI-ree)
Pog ma thoin: Kiss my ass! (pog MA hoin)

And a toast: May you arrive in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead!

Happy St Paddy's!

Nothing here is my original - links lead you to the owners where possible.
I'm exhausted. I woke up feeling like crap.
Yesterday I hit two hospitals and a few stores. Too many germs out there.
I stayed home all today.
I cleaned the bathroom, washed bedding and rugs,
and reupholstered a chair.
The material I got dirt cheap on clearance.
I still have enough left for a few other projects I have in mind.
Once again way too much fun with cats!

Rob will be here tomorrow to take home Smaug.
He is a great cat. We are going to miss him!

I must get out to see darling Annaliese once more.
Got to love the new babies. I don't care what is wrong in your world. Hold a new baby and all is right in the world again.

An interesting flip side. Babaysit a toddler for a day. I don't care what is wrong in your world - When that kid goes home you will realize your problems are nothing compared to being the parent of a toddler!

Introducing......

Annaliese Marie
Anna was born this morning (March 16th)
She is the spitting image of her mother!

Look at all that hair!

Here's the required body shot. Look at her toes go!

I got to dress Anna in this outfit!

Sleeping on mom. What a face!

"too much, no lid"
That quote comes from when Rand was a Sunday school teacher for preschoolers. The class was called the PeeWees. He has a real knack for small children and they always seem drawn to him.
A regular and favorite snack was cheese on a cracker. It had to be the cheese out of can.
One day too much was squirted out onto the cracker, and "Oops, too much!" was declared by the adult in charge. The next child asked for "too much" as well. No lid? Only one cracker, please. Don't put one on top of the cheese.
I wish my life were that simple.

Friend Sandy is still in a coma, despite rumors to the contrary at work.
Willie called me all excited on Monday. The word at work was that Sandy awake and doing much better. I had to interrupt Willie to explain, I was at the hospital - at that very moment - and nothing had changed. I traced the rumor to the source. Someone had mistaken reflex actions for something more.
I'm still hoping for a miracle.
I spent part of Monday at the hospital and then went to Hobby Lobby and got lost in creative dreams for a few hours. It was a nice escape.

My friend with cancer received more bad news from the doctors.

Smaug seems to have gone through a little bit of home sickness. He and Camper are actually beginning to play with each other. The hissing and growling between all the cats has stopped.
Smaug is really a "guy's cat". He is fond of me, but much prefers Rand. He is a great cat and pretty well-mannered, except for the napping on the kitchen table thing. We're guessing Rob doesn't have counter rules.
The cats and I spent part of this evening sorting out fabric scraps for quilt blocks. That was way more fun than imagined with cats.
I love looking at my fabric scraps. It is like a photo album of memories. I have fabrics that belonged to both of my grandmothers. Bits of cloth of most the craft projects I have done over the years, of outfits the kids had when they were growing, a favorite skirt, and even scraps from quilts I have made!
Maybe they will be part of a great memory blanket someday; or maybe they will just be memories.

Don and Mo have joined the home schooling ranks. Or should I say David, Sam, and Mary have. I have been sorting out our books. I have a pile for you!

Mom called me with the breaking Ambien story.
Yes, I take it, and yes, I have had the problems they are now reporting. But I'm not willing to give it up just yet. No sleep means increased pain.
A few years ago Sandra asked, "What in the hell did you do to the computer last night?"
I looked. It was covered with corn flakes.
I blamed Willie at the time, he swore it wasn't him. I have found crumbs since. On the key board, in bed, in my chair. And spilled beverages as well. I've often wondered where "missing" food went. We had a Willie, I didn't wonder too hard. I just assumed. He usually denied.
The morning Mom called I had an unusual experience just the night before.
I dreamed there was a new invention in hoses to help my APAP (for my sleep apnea). I was quite excited to put the new pieces on, in my dream.
When I awoke that morning, I had dismantled my APAP during my sleep. I was making the bed and searching my room for the missing pieces.
Sleep walking and talking does run in our family. My brothers all had their share, as well as Rob and Sandra. I had never been as demonstrative. Obviously, I now know better.

I'm really missing Lilly.

Smaug's Journal

Dear Dad,
I'm having a great time at Gramp's and Gramma's. I like the new food and all the new places to play. They have so many closets to explore! They even have a place to sit outside without getting lost.
The little kitty named Camper doesn't like me. She acts like she's the boss of me or something. She keeps making the "bad kitty' noise. Sometimes, I do it back. (Sorry Dad.)
There is another old cat around here. Her name is Meowers. She is really mean, but I don't take it personally. She isn't nice to anybody.
Gramp's and Gramma were reading in bed this morning, and Camper was laying on Gramma. I snuck up behind her where she didn't see me. Then I hit her upside the head. I ducked down and she thought Gramma hit her. She was not a happy camper then! ;)
I like Gramma, but I like to sit on Gramp's lap best.
They have a lot of neat toys here. I like the strings and rings. They have this white fluffy toy that follows you around. It licks me a lot. I don't see much point in it.
My new best friend is Girlfriend. She is cool! She is like me and likes to scare the other cats. We have a lot of fun.
I like taking my little cat naps on Gramma's desk.
This doesn't make Camper happy either. She seems to think she is so important around here.
Camper says she helps with the budget, and other busywork, and I need to stay out of her way.
I hope you and Mom are having fun!
Are you bringing me back a present?
I like popcorn, can we have some at home?
Ssssssss-s-s-s-s mee-ooo-rrrrr!
(only joking!)

Love, Smaug

PS - I was bathing myself on Gramp's lap and Gramma said I had no balls. Tell Gramma I got balls Dad. I'm a boy cat! And boys have balls, right Dad?!

To sleep! perchance to dream:
--ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,

Last night, I finally slept for the first real time in days. I don't remember my dreams clearly, but awoke with a sense of truth and understanding. I said good-bye.
Sandy is not going to wake up. She pauses in limbo, but the damage is too great.
I have lost a friend.
Even if she should "survive" this most critical stage; "Sandy" is gone forever.
I've been to the hospital and had quality times. I've held her hand, gazed into the eyes that see nothing, hoping to see my friend looking back. I talk to her, share our favorite lines and jokes, hoping to see a glimmer of recognition.
The hardest part is the moment I step out the door to leave - I completely lose control of my grief. Walking away is so hard.
The practical me, of course, has done the internet research. The odds say she shouldn't have survived the initial aneurysm. She shouldn't have survived one stroke, let alone two.
The machines and the drugs are doing the work of living.

a note to the my family
No heroic methods, please.
I'm not afraid of dying.
Don't be afraid to let me go.
No second thoughts, no remorse, understand it isn't a final good-bye.
It won't be my ending, but my new beginning.
My Heaven has reunions and lost pets.
No pain, lots of laughter, and chocolate doesn't make you fat.
I'm looking forward to the trip.

Sandy's husband clings to hope. I do understand.
A miracle would be an answer to more than one prayer, should He choose to create one here.
I'm praying, but for what I do not know. And I will accept whatever the answer is.
But I cannot accept that a loving God holds on to artificial life.


To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,--
The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns,--puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

My best friend from work is Sandy.
We both started at Target in 1999, within a couple months of each other.
She is my age and we are in the same place in life. Still married to and loving our same guys, trying to get our kids raised, out of the nest, and learning the great joy of being "Gramma".

I learned tonight Sandy suffered a brain aneurysm over the weekend.
She been in a coma since and has now suffered two strokes.
The doctors think she has suffered brain death.
The family refuses to give up hope.

My heart is broke........

Rand - got the weekend off!
I - got the weekend off!
So, of course, as our luck would have it, Rand is sick and has had a fever all weekend. No romantic dinners out. No spetacular housecleaning and organizing. We did get the grocery shopping done.
But we didn't buy near enough comfort food.
We spent a lot of time laying around and watching bad television.
My top buy of the weekend is a new sewing maching. My old one was broke. I dropped it. It was a broke as a sewing machine can get. This new one was on a great (cheap) sale at Target.
I worked on cleaning closests a bit today. It will go better when a feverish Rand isn't following me around trying to be helpful. When Rand has a fever, English is no longer his first language.
Our guest rooms look more like guests rooms now. I got more stuff boxed up for Sandra and Lilly.
I got our laundry started only to be interrupted by Willie needing to do his laundry. Willie has a laundry M.O. As soon as he has clothes in both machines, he suddenly needs to run to his place for "something". He assures us he will return in a "few mintues". Right. It's easier to time him with a calendar, not a watch. I've given up and started my laundry around his.
My tummy feels a bit strange tonight......

Lilly got to visit!
According to the ticker it had been 26 days. I will reset it.
Jackie, Lilly's other grandma, Sandra, and Lilly came down.
Sandra mostly just wanted some clothes. Lilly was delighted to see us, as well as some of her toys. When she saw her Raggedy Ann and Andy she just hugged them and hugged them! I made sure a few of her favorite toys got to go home with her. Jackie's vehicle was totally packed out.
Lilly made a beeline for her car. We took turns pushing her around in it. Raggedy Ann and Andy went home with her, along with her ducks, and others. There was no room for anything of size this trip.
My camera was acting up horribly and most of my pictures didn't turn out usable. Time to at least start comparison shopping for a replacement. Not getting good pictures of Lilly is unacceptable.

I work a late shift today. Yesterday, I did a nice balance of doing Phyllis work and my own.
Today I hope to do the same. I have gotten very comfortable with the new schedule program. And yesterday was about the best it has ever performed for me. I think they are getting the server problems corrected as well.

We had a very scary evening a couple of days ago.
We lost Camper.
Rand and I realized we had not seen her for awhile. We began looking in places she might of got shut in; various closets and cupboards. Eventually we were outside with flashlights. Then back in. And out. I have never seen Rand so vocally nervous. He kept saying, "Oh God, no".
Finally, we did find her. A very cold terrified, full-fluffed puff ball, under the deck.
Camper won't even go near doors that go outside now.

Time to think about getting ready for work....

Lilly is getting so tall! Still refuses to walk though. 

Miss Lilly finding her drawer.