The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: What?
Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
The Dead Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.

I'm getting better
I spent yesterday evening at the emergency room.
I took my latest read to the pool yesterday around noon. I would swim a bit, and read a lot. I didn't want anything but pure rest. The last couple of days of medical tests and doctors were taking their toll.
Rand stopped by about 3. I was in the early stages of a headache and decided to leave. I assumed I was a bit over-heated and needed to go in.
(for those who don't know I have had 3 heat strokes)
Once inside I continued to spiral down. My head was pounding, I was in a major migraine and throwing up non-stop. Rand debated taking me to the emergency room, but with the non-stop puking was unsure how to get me there. By 6:30pm I was no better. Bucket in hand we headed for the emergency room. It was packed. After a mere 3 hour wait, they tried to make sure I wasn't suffering from a stroke, annuerism, meningitis, and a lot of other life threatening things that require immediate attention; not a three hour wait in an overcrowded hall.
Hall - because the waiting room was overflowing.
Minor flesh wounds and sprains went ahead of me. Yet, 3 hours later, they want to be worried I might be bleeding on the brain?
I eventually got a much needed couple of liters of IV fluids with some kick ass pain killers. The doctor didn't even think I was suffering from heat exhaustion, just a major migraine.
I have had only a few migraines in my life. This was bad. And I don't bounce back in my middle years.
It could be the drug changes I have gone under this week, it could have been triggered by the heat, it could be the stress of missing Lilly. So many times it amazes me that I haven't just stroked out with all the stress. And at times, wondered if I haven't had a small stroke. Some things are different and I can name the day and the time everything changed.
We got home about 11:30pm last night.
I am as weak as a kitten today.

Clearance!
Target has a nice clearance on going on toys and this Gramma has done quite nicely.
Lilly has made it quite clear in past shopping trips that she would love a wagon. ("I need this!")
I, after major clearance markdown, my employee discount, and a coupon, got this sweet ride for just over $10.
Now I just need my little buddy to play with.
Sandra has ignored our phone calls since our last Lilly visit. We had really hoped to see Lilly this weekend. Sandra won't answer our calls and won't return our messages. Really aggravating since we are the ones paying for her phone.
Everything Sandra does is to hurt and punish me. I feel bad that everyone else gets hurt in the fallout. Nobody else gets Lilly visits because Sandra is mad at me.
Everything wrong in Sandra's life is my fault, according to her. Yes, I do everything I can to keep her on the straight and narrow and told the DHS about the Meth use. I want Sandra to live. I want Lilly to be safe. I would give anything to have them be a part of our daily lives. But it does have to be on my terms. I won't turn my back on the dangers and evils that threaten my loved ones. What kind of a mom would I be if doing nothing was okay? If I had kept my mouth shut last summer, Sandra would likely be dead now.
Sandra view of the world doesn't extend past herself. In the past Sandra was quite loving, caring, giving. She fully intended to be a nurse missionary spreading care and God's love.
Now she doesn't want to do anything remotely close to love or caring if it doesn't directly benefit Sandra. Nothing comes before what Sandra wants.
I had given up a long time ago giving Sandra full family updates. She really doesn't seem to care about anybody else anymore.
I think Lilly is punished most of all. Lilly loves us and she is forced to be separated. Lilly doesn't get to have a home. Most of Lilly's life has been roaming from one stop to the next. A few months here, a few months there. The majority of Lilly's clothes and toys are here. Sandra made sure her things got moved. Sandra isn't happy with being told to grow up, so Lilly gets forced into living strange places and around people who are very likely a danger to her. Your tax dollars are currently housing Sandra in emergency housing because she refuses to stay here. Lilly gets assured to have unstable strangers being near her at most times. I don't see how she will be taught about stranger dangers if her life doesn't change. All she will have in her life are strangers. I worry about Lilly's future and safety. I'm afraid she could be another Jetseta. Hey family, check the link. I was surprised to see this here.
Obviously, today I'm a bit angry, worried, and missing Lilly.

On the medical front I have had 3 appointments in the last 2 days. Two doctors and an IVP. Was supposed to be three doctors, but one had a death in the family.
My pain meds have officially been changed. Today I'm pretty well a zombie, trying to get used to the new side effects. I'm also very sore from all the intrusions on my body the last couple of days.
My goal tonight is to sleep in until Monday.

with a capital *B*I*T*C*H*
or I am just a very growly bear today.
I just went up to the apartments offices and bit off a few heads.
I have had problems with the cleanliness of our pool from the get go. As this swimming season progresses, I grow more agitated.
I am an old lifeguard. I have cleaned plenty of pools in all my years on this earth and yes, my standards are high.
A pool deck should be cleaned off every evening.
After the filters have been allowed to do all they can do undisturbed during the night, the filter traps should be cleaned, and the pool vacuumed.
Nicer public pools I have worked for have automatic vacuums that run all night.
Smaller pools have one that needs human to run them. It's not any harder than running a vacuum in your living room. Just requires a little know-how.
Our pool hasn't been vacuumed in I don't know how long. The leaves, dirt and debris are evident of that. Somebody Stupid wore press on nails to the pool. We observed them all over the pool and deck for several days before we complained . Management did finally remove them.
Early last week a very large bee landed in the water next to me. For those who don't know I am deathly allergic and must carry Epipens at all times. This creature was upside down, quite angry, his wings stuck in the water. Randy used waves to scoot him into a filter trap. The bee is still there over a week later.
Last night I went swimming in the rain. When the big front moved through the winds were quite strong and promptly filled the pool with flower petals and leaves.

The chlorine had to be off the charts last night. I gave up trying to swim (too harsh on the face) and just floated around with the flower petals. Had I been wearing a new swim suit I would've gotten out. I stayed until pool closing time any way. I don't know if my suit is destroyed or not. Next time will tell.
I was almost feeling smug when I left, because they were going to have to clean the pool now.

Straw that broke the Bear's back
I had a pissy doctor appointment this morning with a urologist. (Get it?) I knew today's appointment was a waste of time. I knew this particular doctor would do squat until I had an IVP test done. I even informed other doctors of this need, but they thought they should leave this up to the specialist. I drove through muggy weather, too much traffic, scary areas of town to go through in an open Jeep, - to find out they had relocated! I have been a patient of this particular doctor for a few years. A postcard saying "We've moved" would've been nice. I finally managed to find their new location and still make my appointment just on time.
This doctor has a peculiar sense of humor and today it was not hitting me right. I never got touched and was told I need to have an IVP before he does anything, and which makes the cat scan I did have of my kidneys - a complete waste of time and money. You know, just like the two cat scans and multiple x-rays I had done of my left foot. A complete waste of time and money.

I get home and all I want to do is go swim. Relax, do some laps, get some good adrenalin pumping to help with the pain. The biggest joy of being in a pool is - for that period, I don't have to feel like a fucking cripple. In the water, I am strong, talented, and as close to pain free as I can get.
I get to the pool and it is disgusting. The worse I have ever seen it by far. No, the sudden massive extra input of debris didn't convince them to do anything. Not even to use the skimmer. I bravely got in, I desperately needed this, but was so disgusted I didn't last long. I couldn't detect any chlorine in the pool today. It was full of June bugs and decomposing leaves. I sat in a lounge chair next to the pool and had a good cry. I went home and changed, then went up to the office to sound off.
Now I am sitting here in the midst of a growing stress headache, smelling like I have been swimming in a lake.
I might go to bed very early today.

I had today off. I have to work this weekend.
Sandra hasn't returned calls this week. I'm missing Lilly. I love to talk on the phone with her. When she is in the mood to it is quite cute.

photo by Ashley

You would never catch their mothers carrying on this kind of activity. No matter what, children will always find a way to reble against what there parents stand for! ;~)

photo by ashley

This looks sweet, but actually Lilly was laying on Anna's most beloved bear and it was a wrestling match for the prize.
photo by Ashley

This was the third picture Ashley took trying to capture a Lilly smile.

waiting for bubbles to land

Lilly loves Gramma's rocking chair.

I'm slow to get this posted, but ,
we celebrated Willie's 21st Birthday at Texas Roadhouse.


He had no idea something special was planned.
We really felt at 21 - he is now a man and it is time to
"Cowboy Up!"

Patiently waiting to go swimming with Gramma

Saturday morning breakfast
Cinnamon toast and Chocolate mik

I have really missed this quality time with Lilly.

Lilly is sitting in her toy bucket happy as can be!

Lilly and the dancing Bubbles
It doesn't take any coaching to get Lilly outside.
Her favorite spot is the one she calls "Lilly's patio".

We finally ran our of bubbles and had to refuel.
Engineer Lilly was right on top of the situation.

Gramma!
Sandra finally returned a phone call and for the first time in a long time, we had a very nice conversation. We asked to see Lilly and Sandra readily agreed.
We were almost afraid to breathe out.
It was decided we would pick Lilly up on (this past) Wednesday, and Sandra would come to collect Lilly (and belongings from our garage) on (yesterday's) Saturday.
We choose to meet in Fort Dodge at a favorite store.
As soon as Lilly saw me, she screamed "Gramma!" and ran into my arms, hugging and kissing, .
She went to Grampa for a hug and kiss and wanted right back in my arms. Lilly insisted we put her in our shopping cart - she wanted to go with us. Lilly was very happy to hear she was going on a jeep ride to Gramma's house.
Lilly slept all the way home.
Our visit was wonderful. It is amazing how much Lilly had changed in 2 months time.
Her speech patterns are so much older, she was a tiny bit taller, but still very much our Lilly.
We had fun playing in the pool, with longed missed toys, and jeep rides. We had friends and relatives popping in to visit and share in our Lilly love fest!
Lilly still knew where all her favorite things were, and played with virtually everything. When they were getting ready to leave, I tried to offer Lilly a few favorites to take home, but she wanted them to stay at Gramma's and to play with them at Gramma's.
We have been promised future visits. I did get lots of pictures and hope to post in the next few days.
The only thing I can say about this sudden turn around in events - Sandra is clean and being tested regularly. Let's all pray that she finds her way this time.